I still struggle to comprehend that I had mental disabilities as a child. Autism explains why I appear and behave indifferent and aloof, and why I have difficulty creating strong emotional bonds. But it does explain why I have unusual responses to sensory experiences. It explains my lack of responsiveness during social interactions, abnormalities the use of gestures, facial expressions and lack of eye contact.
My Struggles with Social Interactions
Much of what I have learned, I have taught myself. Social interaction has been no different. While I have made progress, certain aspects still feel challenging – especially starting conversations and understanding social cues. I find it easier when others initiate, and maintaining eye contact for too long can feel overwhelming.
Routine and familiarity bring a sense of comfort, yet the restricted and repetitive behaviours around autism affect how I am able to function in ways I never fully understood before knowing I had a disability. These challenges extend into daily life and relationships, creating friction when others struggle to navigate my need for structure, my social awkwardness, or my difficulty with spontaneity. Others learning to accept these differences, is an ongoing process – one that requires patience, understanding empathy tolerance.
My Sensory Difficulties
My sensory world has become easier primarily because I am aware, but there is a slight awkwardness. Autism continues to interfere, it challenges my thinking and my daily routine. Difficulties in organising, planning and multi-tasking, limit my ability to be completely mentally and physically independent.
I'm guessing that I'm probably one of the few people who can understand what you're talking about. I may not be autistic, as far as I know, but with the amount of brainwashing and negative reinforcement I was subjected to, we seem to have a lot of very similar issues.
I have a very hard time dealing with change and struggle to maintain what most people would consider a boring life, but they didn't go through the chaos and insanity of my childhood. I don't deal well with social situations well, and find it very difficult to relate to others who had one. It would be great for others to understand, but difficult because they haven't gone through it themselves.
It also doesn't help that I was only recently diagnosed with ADHD, which would explain a lot of the troubles that I've had over the years.
People think I'm shy and antisocial, when in fact I struggle to concentrate on what's going on around me thanks to the PTSD. I can usually handle dealing with people one on one for a while, but being in a crowd overwhelms me to the point where I have to leave the situation.
It's just very frustrating when people don't get it and force you into dealing with those situations when it amounts to torture. Maybe it's time to get around to writing a book to help them better understand us, and what we deal with on a daily basis!
Thanks Randy. I hear you! Yes, although our circumstances may be different, we still struggle with similar issues, often difficult at times.
But empathy is all it would for others to help us deal with what we have to deal with. I think the world needs more of it.