"Growing up, and only finding out at the age of 46 that I had cerebral palsy meant I was left in the dark for all those years. When I think about my struggles and how long I went through those struggles, it's something I struggle to equate.
My father passed away when I was 49 years old. I think it was some time before he passed that I became aware of the reasoning behind why I was never told. What I was told wasn't what I expected to hear. A difficult conversation and it would never have been something I would have done to my child. I may never come to terms with that.
It turns out that my struggles didn’t have to be struggles, as I continued to battle feelings of dread, apprehension, a certain nervousness, restlessness and unease. But the biggest thing was having to deal with bad thoughts and anxiety, around a mental and emotional disability I didn't know about. And for as many times as I tried to grapple with those feelings, my struggles continued.
It's a frightening place for a child. It doesn’t make it any easier when you can't work through it and you are unaware you have brain damage."
Frightening is putting it mildly when going through difficulties as a child, but nobody ever even attempts to explain anything and acts like nothing is wrong.
People act like you should just get over it, but I don't think it's something I will be able to come to terms with either. I'm trying to find a place in my mind to put those feelings, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
Thanks Randy. Yes, not easy to do but understanding does go some way to help. I know and have the reasoning behind my own experiences and that does help.
Knowing it was never about you should help. I think sometimes acceptance comes when you're tired of fighting a battle you know you're never going to win.
But rest assured, both your parents know now. No one goes to spirit without having to look at their life lessons and where they could have done things better.
You didn't get to tell them, they will know now.