I remember a family growing up whose parents constantly put their son on a pedestal from the moment he was born. He couldn’t put a foot wrong. It’s not that he was perfect, but through their eyes, he was completely perfect.
So why are children put on a pedestal?
From what I know, it’s usually done because parents believe their child is perfect. It’s not just a parent thing. Grandparents also do it when they feel sorry or make allowances for their grandchild, either because their grandchild is missing out in some way, or because they believe their grandchild is having a hard time with their parents.
When a parent does it of course, it can be at the cost of another sibling and when a grandparent does it, it’s usually at the cost of another grandchild, but it’s often done either because that child is easier to parent, or because the parents have more of an affinity with that child.
It stands to reason that as soon as any child is put on a pedestal, they will begin to behave as if they are perfect and will continue to live their lives that way. Outwardly, they will seem confident, although inwardly their lives may tell a different story. The more someone is put on a pedestal, the more insecure they become.
In so many cases, the pedestal child is ‘untouchable,’ where they think they know absolutely everything and a parent can’t tell them anything. People who live their lives this way become non-compliant, non-conformist, self-centred, difficult to parent and deal with and think that what they’re given is their birth right and not because they’ve earned or deserve to have it.
Although their lives seem perfect, their lives will be far from perfect. Their spoilt attitude will always dictate how others see them. Unconsciously, they will know they’re spoilt but consciously will find it difficult to change.
Of course, for anyone who understands and sees this behaviour, they will continue to have an enormously difficult relationship with that person.
Now you have described the characteristics of a pedestal child I can certainly recognise those traits in a few people I know.
One person I knew was difficult to work with and equally as hard to get along with socially, as everything had to be on his terms. You have described them perfectly.
Thank you! Yes like you, I am sure we've all come across the kind of people I describe in my blog.
It doesn't always make for easy relationships, but what it does is open our eyes to the different types of relationship and scenarios we find ourselves in and that can be helpful.
I have to say I've unconsciously put my own children on pedestals because I love them the most. But how much is too much?
As a result, I know my kids hold a fine line with me when it comes to respect, because they know I can't do much like run after them if they take off, or stand my ground with them.
It's been frustrating and I'm thankful it's getting pointed out now before they are adults.
Thanks Bonnie. Yes how much is too much?
I think it becomes more obvious before too long and then we just know we're getting the balance wrong. From what you've said in your response, you already know and feel the need for change and have already set the wheels in motion for that.
When we come to spoil and indulge our children to point where they take us and things for granted that's when we know we've gone too far.
In your own case Bonnie with your Cerebral Palsy, I can understand why it's much harder, but children should always be sensitive to what we deal with and not use what we deal with to their advantage.
I believe children must be grounded. The foundations must be laid, not only for them but for future generations to come.
Yes by far agree and thank you for your support! I try hard not to tell my kids what they can and can't do, even though they already know.
I guess I'm afraid of putting guilt trips on them. They are sensitive to my seizures and know too much stress can cause them, however when I ask or tell them to do something, they think it's funny and have no respect.
Thanks Bonnie. You're welcome. I am sure this isn't something you just struggle with! It has become an ever present parent/child scenario.
I do still think that however hard it is to discipline children momentarily, I still think those old fashioned values do absolutely work. We tend to make allowances, ignore the discipline for an easy life.
I believe discipline equals respect, but that often comes later, when our children have matured. In some cases when our children have their own children.