Having taken time to reflect on what I see as my failings, particularly in school, I realise now those failings weren’t my responsibility. There was no mental or emotional support in place around my disability, or my difficulties, but I also know I need to take control back and own those failings, since they’re still mine.

If you have feelings of failure, below are some questions that can help you assess where you are:

  • Do you continually blame your parents for your life?
  • Are you happy to take control, or do your parents control you?
  • Do you find yourself doing the same things as your parents have done without question?
  • Are you continuing to repeat the same mistakes as your parents?
  • Are you continually living with the same bad habits, or patterns that you need to change?
  • Are you in a rut and don’t know how to change things?

Without question, we repeat the patterns and habits our parents set out for us. Recognising our behaviour pattern is the key to long-term change. We must also be prepared to change the way we think and the way we react to things.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Recognising parenting traits”

  1. I can answer these questions mostly negatively.

    I think I'm lazy to a point... and I don't like confrontation. Now my daughter on the other hand will confront anyone if she feels strongly enough and I guess that's one trait she got from her father.

    Most of my negativity comes from my father. Definitely not my mom... and I procrastinate terribly. I don't know where that came from. I think I just get tired of things and give up. This needs to change.

    I keep thinking things will be great one day but I've got to do something for that day to happen. I've got to learn to take charge if it's going to happen. Yeah I'm in a rut but slowly learning how to get out of it.

    I'm a little impatient with myself and get aggravated and give in to others. So there's another thing that needs to change. I'm slowly getting there.

    Reply

    1. Lisa these traits are more common than you think, so you're probably not alone.

      Answering these questions honestly has given you the opportunity to see first hand your behavior traits.

      What I like is that you try and don't give up, I believe it will come.

      Reply

  2. With me I am waiting for a time that I will be free to make my own decisions.

    I realise the situation I am in now will not last forever. I am willing to wait to get what I want. I just have to hang on and do what I am doing for now.

    I believe in time I will get what I want. I hold on to that belief. I have to to keep going.

    Reply

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