It’s that time of year again – a time for reflection. I find myself deep in thought, returning to my autism diagnosis, which I learned about in January. Although it was only this year, it feels much longer, especially when I look at everything that has happened since, and everything I’ve achieved with the book.

The book has changed the way I think. It has shifted something in me, and I’m okay with that, because it needed to happen.

Although I’ve been working on it for three and a half years, I only began truly putting it together in May. What came out of that process is an open and honest account of my experiences and my life – a way of making sense of the journey I’ve been on, and finally bringing understanding into the picture.

While my website touches on personal experiences, my blogs don’t tell my life story in the way the book does. The book has given me space to explore my thoughts around a disability I didn’t know I had.

In truth, I don’t think I could ever have understood my life in any real depth without writing it. It wasn’t a choice I was given – but it was something I needed to do. We all need to understand ourselves. I needed to be able to understand myself, and my disability.

Ilana x

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Reflecting at Christmas”

  1. You've certainly had quite a year but one which has enabled greater understanding of your journey.

    I am looking forward to hearing all about your continued inspirational success with the book's publication next year.

    1. Yes, thanks. I could never have imagined my life this year, but through my autism diagnosis and now a book that is self-contained, I have more of an understanding of my life.

      Can you imagine growing up knowing you're different for all the wrong reasons, but not knowing why and this becomes your life for 46 years.

      If like me you believe things happen for a reason, both my autism diagnosis and the book are the reasons why the universe paved the way to allow this to happen.

      It is now 56 years in the making. It's a long-time in coming, but that's okay. I believe the universe understood my plight many years ago, and was aware it would happen. But as ever it is about spirit timing.

      I had to watch and wait for my circumstances to change. Through my mum's terminal illness, her telling me my birth was difficult met with that change.

  2. You've come a long way! Now you can breathe easy while you shed anxiety and perhaps uncertainty from your spirit. I can't wait to read your wonderful book.

    So this Christmas, I'll be thinking of you and all you have done for the CP Dairy family. I sincerely thank you!

    1. Thanks Tim. I have you to thank. Without your responses I couldn't continue to do what I do.

      I know the book thing is massive but it doesn't feel massive, so perhaps that's a good thing. I can't wait for you to read the book Tim.

      Have a lovely Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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