Something inspirational: “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically—to say no to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside.” STEPHEN COVEY
Something inspirational:
“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically—to say no to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside.”
Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities.
She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges.
In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines.
Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.
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Saying no isn't something I've ever really been good at, which is why I'm currently in the situations I am now.
I was brainwashed very well as a child that saying 'No' wasn't a very good thing. It means that I have to now learn how to set my boundaries, which I'm not always very comfortable with!
My life is very complicated right now from this, so I really am going to have to work very hard to get this done!
Thanks Randy. I used to be the same! As a child I always thought people would think ill of me if I said no, so I said say YES all the time. How wrong I was.
It got to a stage where my life wasn't my own, neither were my decisions. I got to a point where things got so bad for me I had to take control, I was losing the plot! If I wanted to have a life I needed to say No. I've never looked back on that decision.
I think we have to achieve a balance, everyone has to. If you're not happy to do something, speak out. Give yourself a choice to do what you want to do. It doesn't make you bad because you say no, you're well within your rights to say NO if you really don't want to do something.
We don't always have to do what someone else wants just because they want us to and the other person needs to accept that. Our choices are for us to make not for someone else to make them for us.
I'm not good at saying NO either. I guess I learned that from my mom because she would give her shirt off her back to someone in need. That's how my family was, always giving and doing, but I'm learning to say no to some things.
It does make me happy to do for others. I spend money on others and neglect myself. My husband fusses at me about money like I spend it on myself, but he doesn't really realize it's spent on others like him, my son and our daughters.
Thanks Lisa... there is a difference! I great that you put yourself out there for others. It's commendable, but there always has to be a compromise, a middle ground if you like. It's no good putting yourself out there, if others choose to ignore what you do or give back themselves.
In my formative years that is exactly what I did. I soon learned who cared about me and who used me because they knew they could because I never said NO.
Again giving to someone in need is completely different. We give to make other people's lives better because they struggle and that's right, but you also matter and come first. To neglect yourself to put others first isn't the way to do it.
It took me years and I am still working on healthy boundaries, it's the only way to maintain a balance. Some things I just have difficulty whether to say yes or no when it comes to people I truly care about.
If I am not healthy emotionally and physically then I can't really help anyone even myself. I know you are in a difficult situation and wish you my best.
I totally agree with you. You are right our boundaries help us maintain a balance.
It's great that you are working on your own healthy boundaries, this is something we all need to do, but unless others work on healthy boundaries too, their boundaries will begin to affect what we want for ourselves. These are my experiences.
It's so hard to say no, I struggle with it so much, but, over the years I have here and there! I can never say no to Twinkies, they just taste so darned good (although I haven't had them in a long time, so maybe I can!)
Family, it is hard to say no to. Sometimes I babysit a neighbor's kid and I find myself saying no to her (I find her very spoiled and she throws a fit, I just tell her that it is too bad!)
I think NO is something we need to learn to say as children, then as adults we will not have such a problem with it.
I think you're right Maria NO starts in childhood.
If children aren't taught the word NO they'll never learn to accept that sometimes they can't always do or get what they want and that in itself will create problems!
Saying no isn't something I've ever really been good at, which is why I'm currently in the situations I am now.
I was brainwashed very well as a child that saying 'No' wasn't a very good thing. It means that I have to now learn how to set my boundaries, which I'm not always very comfortable with!
My life is very complicated right now from this, so I really am going to have to work very hard to get this done!
Thanks Randy. I used to be the same! As a child I always thought people would think ill of me if I said no, so I said say YES all the time. How wrong I was.
It got to a stage where my life wasn't my own, neither were my decisions. I got to a point where things got so bad for me I had to take control, I was losing the plot! If I wanted to have a life I needed to say No. I've never looked back on that decision.
I think we have to achieve a balance, everyone has to. If you're not happy to do something, speak out. Give yourself a choice to do what you want to do. It doesn't make you bad because you say no, you're well within your rights to say NO if you really don't want to do something.
We don't always have to do what someone else wants just because they want us to and the other person needs to accept that. Our choices are for us to make not for someone else to make them for us.
I'm not good at saying NO either. I guess I learned that from my mom because she would give her shirt off her back to someone in need. That's how my family was, always giving and doing, but I'm learning to say no to some things.
It does make me happy to do for others. I spend money on others and neglect myself. My husband fusses at me about money like I spend it on myself, but he doesn't really realize it's spent on others like him, my son and our daughters.
Thanks Lisa... there is a difference! I great that you put yourself out there for others. It's commendable, but there always has to be a compromise, a middle ground if you like. It's no good putting yourself out there, if others choose to ignore what you do or give back themselves.
In my formative years that is exactly what I did. I soon learned who cared about me and who used me because they knew they could because I never said NO.
Again giving to someone in need is completely different. We give to make other people's lives better because they struggle and that's right, but you also matter and come first. To neglect yourself to put others first isn't the way to do it.
It took me years and I am still working on healthy boundaries, it's the only way to maintain a balance. Some things I just have difficulty whether to say yes or no when it comes to people I truly care about.
If I am not healthy emotionally and physically then I can't really help anyone even myself. I know you are in a difficult situation and wish you my best.
I totally agree with you. You are right our boundaries help us maintain a balance.
It's great that you are working on your own healthy boundaries, this is something we all need to do, but unless others work on healthy boundaries too, their boundaries will begin to affect what we want for ourselves. These are my experiences.
We're entitled to say NO. Thanks Brian.
It's so hard to say no, I struggle with it so much, but, over the years I have here and there! I can never say no to Twinkies, they just taste so darned good (although I haven't had them in a long time, so maybe I can!)
Family, it is hard to say no to. Sometimes I babysit a neighbor's kid and I find myself saying no to her (I find her very spoiled and she throws a fit, I just tell her that it is too bad!)
I think NO is something we need to learn to say as children, then as adults we will not have such a problem with it.
I think you're right Maria NO starts in childhood.
If children aren't taught the word NO they'll never learn to accept that sometimes they can't always do or get what they want and that in itself will create problems!