Setting boundaries is self-care. It means you’re taking care of what matters to you and because it's the right thing to do. It doesn’t mean others don’t matter, or that you don't care about others; it means you matter enough to put yourself first. It means you care deeply, but respect must be at the foundation of all that you do.
Why we Need Boundaries
Without boundaries, you run the risk of losing yourself, not thinking about what you want or need. You need boundaries so you don't let other people decide for you, and so that you're not manipulated – to put limits on how others treat you. Setting boundaries means you take and have control.
Setting Boundaries Means Sticking to Them
Today it is even more important we set and stick with our boundaries. Prioritising yourself, your needs, setting your own boundaries and practising self-care, means you're sending a clear message to others. Your needs come first. Making other people happy and avoiding conflict because you're continually try to save the peace, will only bring conflict back to you.
You Shouldn't feel Guilty
You shouldn't feel guilty about setting yourself boundaries. Others' guilt is usually why boundaries are put in place.
"Setting boundaries is a practice of self-care." I couldn't agree with you more. Not setting boundaries can leave you deeply wounded, if people object to that, so be it.
Thanks Tim. Yes, it's something we rarely do for fear of reprisal. But setting boundaries and sticking to those, is better in the longer term, particularly if you're the subject of abuse.
We shouldn't care if we are the subject of abuse.
As a child I had to set my own boundaries as my parents didn't set any. My idea of boundaries was there weren't any, but somehow I avoided getting into too much trouble.
Although looking back I would be horrified if my children would have got up to half of what I did. All is well that ends well, as they say.
So your boundaries became your parents' boundaries, you didn't have any. No boundaries can't work, it would end in chaos, with you doing what you want when you want, which works for you, but fast forward to being 'grown up' and you become untouchable.
Boundaries are rules that need implementing if people are to work together successfully.