As a child, I was angry because I was aware I presented differently and there was no mental or emotional support in place. Things became more obvious as soon as I started school.
Problems with My 'Learning'
But it wasn’t just about problems with school. Yes, those problems were there, but there were other issues too. I didn’t understand I had a damaged brain, but I also didn’t understand I had sensory issues as part of my damaged brain.
Sensory Processing Issues
For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with textures. Some materials just didn’t feel right. Certain knitted fabrics were uncomfortable, while others were fine. Wire wool was always a definite no. I couldn’t make sense of why some things looked ‘wrong’ to me or why that affected how they felt.
I also didn’t understand my anxiety – why I found it so hard to let go of things or why negative thoughts seemed to take hold and linger. There were always questions, but never any real answers. It wasn’t until much later that I began to piece things together, to understand that what I had always felt wasn’t just in my head – it was real, and it mattered.
More Sensory Issues
I never understood why I felt panicked when I was out of routine or why the thought of being late for an appointment filled me with anxiety. Unfamiliar situations left me unsettled, and emotional triggers sent my thoughts spiralling.
I didn’t know why I struggled to process what I heard, or why, when I did, it wasn’t always accurate. Conversations often felt delayed, as if my mind needed extra time to catch up. I wanted to understand my sensory responses—to make sense of why my world felt different. What frustrates me most is how others often see me. They have labelled me as intense, stubborn, or irrational without considering the challenges I navigate every day. They don’t see the mental effort it takes just to be understood.
Yes, there were so many questions but very few answers. It always seemed to me like my parents were withholding information like secret agents do.
It was obvious to me there were things that were wrong but they chose to wear their blinders and treat us like mushrooms, which I truly can't forgive.
Both of us would have benefitted from being told what our issues were so that we would have been able to work on them. I was a very angry child myself, which makes sense now. I was being harassed and bullied by other kids for being different.
It would have been nice to have had parents who attempted to answer our questions rather than ignore them and expect us to figure things out on our own.
Thanks Randy and yes you're right. We would have benefitted. We were angry for a reason, it's a shame that wasn't taken into consideration.
Through my blog, I hope what I have written about and what I continue to highlight through my experiences, helps you too.
Whilst we cannot change our life experiences, we can shed light on our understanding of those experiences and that is what I will always endeavour to do.
I think you're doing fine. You've come a long way with your understandings of your experiences. It's time to think about letting those go.
Your parents know their deeds even if you didn't get to highlight or talk about them. We all get shown our life the other side of life.
You were right to have so many questions and wrong to be judged for your behaviour by those who refused to answer those questions. The answers were staring them in the face. They were responsible and not you, as a child.
You're right, attitudes seem to have changed little and in an advanced society that is inexcusable.
I am happy to leave your response with you. Thank you.