Emotionally, we will always stay stuck when the old patterns stick. As we are predisposed to behave in certain ways, our current experiences will continue to trigger the old patterns. Unfortunately, as we go about our daily lives, we continue to perpetuate the old predisposed patterns set from our past.
We need to address those issues and let go, otherwise our lives can never change. To change emotionally we must fully live in the present. When we unconsciously fleet between the present and the past, we will always stay stuck. To stay in the present we must identify the triggers that hold us back and deal with them.
We must make ourselves aware of the events that trigger those strong emotional responses, so that we understand the bigger picture on our triggers. Once we identify why something happens in the way it does and we begin to understand everyone’s part, we’re more likely to want to move on. As we begin to work through similar events in the same way, we’ll understand more of why we need to change.
I know that when I came to understand that I wasn’t responsible for my own issues in my formative years and that I couldn’t do anything to change them, I found it easier to let go. We need to recognise and take responsibility for our triggers, to understand why they become triggers in the first place, then let go.
We inevitably become responsible for our triggers, whether we're initially responsible for those or not. It is our choice when we choose to remain stuck in old patterns.
"We live what we know!" has been what I finally figured out about this issue. When you are forced to live a certain for so long, it becomes a pattern, in that you make the same choices all the time.
I wasn't really allowed to make my own choices, so I didn't understand the concept of free will! Most people didn't grow up inthe same way I did, so they really can't comprehend what it's like to be a prisoner in your own life.
I like to use the analogy of what it's like for a caged animal who is set free, but is so afraid of walking out of the cage because it is what the animal has known all it's life. It does seem like such a foreign concept to step out side the cage even when the door is left wide open.
People like to say things like 'Just get over it!' but it isn't quite that simple when you've been forced into thinking certain ways all of your life. This is why I say quite often that my mother should have worked for the CIA, considering how good she was at it.
There is actually a character in 'Game of Thrones' who is a prime example of what torture can do to people. He has been treated in such a way that he won't even use his real name! It creates such a complex in your mind that behaving any other way than what is expected is considered to be a mortal sin. I've been trying to explain this to people for a long time, but the concept seems to elude them since they can't fathom a parent doing this to their child.
If you have any doubts, try watching the movie Prince of Tides. This may be an extreme example, but my mother behaved very similarly to the mother in this movie and would have abandoned us the same way if she would have had the chance.
I have spent most of my life trying to avoid and forget what happened to me, to no avail so now I have to work to get beyond it. The hardest part is that I have to admit to myself that it did happen. It was real and nothing that I ever made up.
People may not like hearing the truth, but it is what I need to deal with, so that I can move on with my very own life for the first time.
Thanks Randy. Yes you're right, we do live what we know and although those patterns are hard to break, they are worth breaking for us to have a more peaceful life.
I'm not sure anyone who hasn't been what you've been through, will fully understand, or will understand how or why you feel the way you do, particularly about your mum.
I like you was also stuck in old patterns, but those patterns were making me so unhappy, I had to do something about them. Although changing behaviour patterns isn't easy, it can be done. I understand.
I hope you find a way to move on.