I wish I could say that all my symptoms are boxed and ticked under the right diagnosis, but sadly that's isn't the case. Yet more confusion.

Some of my symptoms could form part of the Cerebral Palsy scenario and others part of the Spina Bifida diagnosis, but I may never get to know, unless I can piece together all my medical records and history, and see if there are any more letters that explain more about all my neurological symptoms.

Where the consultation was an open door for my father to ask questions about my presenting symptoms and struggles, his non-interested attitude meant he chose not to ask. There was never a problem with me as far as he was concerned.

You couldn’t make this story up. Away from The CP Diary, I still think about and try to comprehend the enormity of my experiences, made worse because of the lack of medical notes. In my case I may have to come to terms with the fact that I may never have all the answers.

Right now, I am not able to find an acceptance. I’m frustrated, agitated and angry. As I try to unravel more pieces to the jigsaw, I shall continue to piece together which symptoms fit into which diagnosis.

I need to dig deeper to see if I can find more of my medical records to see if those shed some light on more of the issues here.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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