Successful communication begins with our ability to negotiate and find a way forward on both sides, and whilst some of us may think that means we’re giving in, in the longer term it makes us more emotionally and spiritually wise.

Negotiations strengthen our resolve and authority. It means we’re mature enough to look beyond the title tattle that comes with arguments and disagreements, always having to be right, always having to have the last word.

All negotiations need working at. It’s something that needs honing and has to start in childhood. Although negotiating may seem difficult at first, negotiating gets easier the more you practice, but it also depends on the person you're trying to negotiate with and the circumstances. It's a tool that will shape our behaviour and lives positively.

When it comes to any form of negotiation, others will always come to respect those who are willing to listen and negotiate with them. Negotiating shows others that we are open to listening, whether those negotiations are between family, friends or even work colleagues. Negotiation is about mediation.

If handled correctly of course, all negotiations can be a positive experience. It is important we are approachable and open to another person's viewpoint. Negotiating is a discussion, a talking point, a chance to listen to someone else’s viewpoint that isn’t our own. All it takes is an open mind and an ability to listen.

It is also a chance for us to come to understand another person’s perspective, which often can be very helpful in us looking at the bigger picture if we’re not seeing it.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “The art of negotiation”

  1. I think a good negotiator appeals to reason and controls the speed of a conversation by speaking slowly and with clarity. No one likes a fast talker who jives their way through negotiations. Thoughtful people are taken much more seriously.

    But I've noticed that fast moving conversations are prevalent these days, it allows very little space to negotiate anything.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, I think you're right, but I can't help but wonder whether those type of people would rather not negotiate anyway.

      Emotionally, if we're not at one with someone else, the last thing we'll want to do is have a conversation, let alone go into negotiations with them.

      Speaking slowly and with clarity are both important when it comes to conversation and negotiation.

  2. Negotiation is a mind set. We have to make a conscious decision to employ the skills needed to help. This isn't something that just happens, but something that we really need to work on.

    I think we all have the ability to use negotiation positively, but unfortunately some flatly refuse to see the importance or need of negotiation in relationships; and they are usually the ones who need it the most.

    1. Thanks, yes I agree although I can't help but think those who flatly refuse do so for selfish reasons. We tend not to consciously see how we are. We know what we know, like what we like and usually stick to those principles.

      Personally, I think it sad that we choose not to negotiate and want to do better for ourselves and for those close to us.

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