Fourteen years ago, I started The CP Diary to process and share my journey of uncovering, trying to understand that something I was born with was in fact a hidden disability I didn't know about. Today, it has become a strong, unapologetic voice. I offer no apologies – because if the roles were reversed, I am in no doubt others would have done the same thing. Who goes through life unaware they actually deal with a physical, mental, and emotional disability?

The CP Diary Story/Narrative

The CP Diary is my story, my narrative, my personal journey. Writing helps me to make sense of my thoughts, feelings, and the world. This is my story, my truth and it holds meaning for me. While my story may not resonate with everyone – this is my way of bringing understanding and clarity into what has been a difficult life. We all have a narrative. Your narrative is based on your own experiences. For me the diary is about making my life more palatable.

There is already stigma around disability, more so when it’s invisible, as is the case for me. I have felt and continue to feel it firsthand. We may minimise, judge, misunderstand, or even ignore what we don't care for, can’t see or don’t understand. Writing about my journey is my way of challenging that. I’m not sorry for shining a light on something the world continues to push to the shadows.

The CP Diary Gives Me A Voice

I hope people are comfortable with what I write, although I appreciate my writing may not be for everyone. I started writing primarily to give me a voice - and for the first time – to help me to finally be able to process and to understand my physical, mental and emotional journey and to connect with others. I have and continue to create a space where I can be fully, unapologetically myself—and I’m inviting others to do the same.

I Show Up

This isn’t about being strong in the way society demands: hiding my struggles, or pretending everything’s okay. HOW I GOT TO THIS PLACE IS NOT OKAY – this is about showing up, figuring it out as I go. It’s about owning my story and redefining my life in a way that should have already be defined for me around the support that I needed. I was a special needs child.

My Life, My Journey – Unfiltered, Honest, Real and Raw

So here it is in full colour. My Life, My Journey, Unfiltered, Honest, Real, and Raw. I’m not here to apologise for how I feel or for taking up space. I’m not here to diminish my experiences to make others feel better. I am here to speak my truth. My hope is to share and be understood, rather than misunderstood, which is basically my life.

Conclusion

So, non-apology perfectly conveys my unapologetic tone. I'm reclaiming my narrative and addressing my journey – my blog is open and honest. I am being open, honest and transparent – honest with myself about my life. I'm not going to apologise for that.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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