The most obvious way of someone apportioning blame is being told we are to blame. Blame isn't always down to us, but it can be continually directed at us. It's their guilt enforced on us. Apportioning guilt is in families, in society, in the wider world.
'Elephant in the Room'
The expression ‘elephant in the room’ refers to a problem, a topic of conversation in the past that no one wants to talk about, or wants to discuss because it’s uncomfortable, that is also part of the cycle of blame.
With the 'elephant in the room' you don’t have to be in the same house to feel the tension. But it’s not ALWAYS our uncomfortable.
Own what is ours
We should own what's ours and take responsibility for what we put out there. It is important to understand our lives, to accept we are to blame where we are to blame, instead of assigning blame to others, because we choose not to accept responsibility.
If this is something that affects you, allow yourself to heal and move away from the cycle of blame.
My parents never came out directly to say they were to blame for their problems, but they surely went well out of their way to make us feel that way.
People always like to mention the 'elephant in the room' but in both our cases, it was more like the whole herd was stampeding through there.
I had contemplated at one time working to break the cycle, but I waited far too long and it ended very badly. I always used to enjoy blaming my parents for how screwed up I was, but at a certain point it doesn't work any longer.
I have made many poor choices in my life and have had to accept responsibility for them. I need to stop making those same poor choices, and break the cycle before it's too late.
Thanks Randy. Yes, as you say, 'at a certain point it doesn't work any longer '- we must take back control for ourselves and make our lives work.
We are responsible for ourselves as adults, even if our parents are responsible for us as children. We can't continue to lay the blame at their door and on their part, they must take responsibility for their actions.
Continuing to blame them is counterproductive in the longer term. It may make us initially feel better, but will only serve to make us more angry.