Since my twin died, I am altogether different. The heartbreaking grief of losing a twin is never ending; the shadows are constantly there, more than they were when my twin was here. I will write more.
The second born twin
Growing up the second born twin, I was always playing catch up. With a disability I didn't know I had, I relied on my twin more than I understood and that was difficult for her. We both wanted our independence. When we were born, twins shared their lives together. We had little choice; it's just how that went.
A time to reflect
Now losing my twin is giving 'me time' to reflect. I have clarity. Grief is difficult, the clarity isn't. Although we are separate now, spiritually we are as one.
I wasn't ready
Losing a twin, whether through separation or death, is unique and a challenging experience. I wasn't expecting what happened to happen, and therefore wasn't ready to let go. My twin's death has left me with a sense of gloom. Everything is changed. Through spiritual healing, I now have clarity. Life is a challenge without her.
Every day is a challenge
Every day has become a challenge; it's a challenge to keep going, to find hope, to feel better. Tinnitus from the stress of losing her, isn't helping.
A sense of foreboding
The family dynamics have changed. Where my twin once resided, and I could rely on her being there, I no longer have that. Instead I am left with a sense of foreboding; longing, wanting. Like all relationships, our relationship wasn't perfect, but when the chips were down, we were there for each other.
Spiritual Healing
None of it is good. Caught off guard I am still processing. I’ve turned to spiritual healing to find and have clarity. Life is not the same. The twin bond cannot be replaced. However, it's important for me to recognise that my twin's memory and spirit will continue to live on within me.
My health has changed
I know my twin is well again, my wellness isn't what it was. Losing her became the catalyst of my own health struggles. Now she's gone, all I have are the memories of a life with my twin and my sense of foreboding goes on, until I am able to carve out a new life away from my old life.
That's going to take time.
