Not everyone will stop to question or equate what toxic looks like. We may gravitate towards what we've seen, what we've experienced and what we continue to accept, therefore we may gravitate towards personalities and behaviours that echo our unresolved wounds, until we check in with ourselves. I didn't check in with myself until I was in my early to mid thirties.

Unhealed Trauma

Relationships that do incorporate unhealed trauma, will temporarily offer you assurance, because your relationship mirrors what you've always known and what you have become comfortable with. For example, as a child, if you grew up feeling unseen and unheard, you might find yourself in relationships where the same behaviour continues to validate your existence – your reasoning where you believe being acknowledged through conflict is better than being ignored.

The Cycle

But it is important to recognise negative cycles will always reflect and stir up any type of emotional wounds. Negative situations are linked to childhood and adult trauma, and abuse. Once those have been addressed, you can start to attract the right relationships, relationships that are rooted in mutual respect – relationships that nurture you, rather than relationships that reopen old scars, or relationships that highlight your emotional scars. A note to ponder, we all carry scars. No one comes through childhood unscathed.

Trauma reshapes Understanding

Whatever your trauma is, trauma will always continue to reshape your understanding of "healthy." Any form of abuse, if allowed to continue creates a blueprint that influences what we are drawn to and what we attract and what we allow in our lives. It is why many people today continue to subconsciously continue to gravitate towards what feels familiar, even if unconsciously they know it's damaging.