No one can escape their past, but we get to deal with it. We must somehow try to put past experiences into context and learn how to prepare for the times when our experiences, which aren't always in our mind, totally blindside us when they come back in from nowhere.
Although we may not always be able to escape the misery of things that happen in our past, we can choose to change the way we see and deal with the misery. Sadly, the past can sometimes intensify and change the way we see what happens in the present and how we cope with the future.
Past experiences can also leave us overwhelmed where certain situations act as a trigger. The past may also interfere with our social behaviour and how we interact. When we fail to connect the anger to that of our past experiences, we will fail to recognise the signs or where those signs might be coming from.
Unconsciously, any thoughts to do with our past stay hidden, as we continue with our lives and the cycle continues. When we come to see and understand the bigger picture of what is other people’s roles in our lives, we will stop thinking that we’re to blame, or that we’re worthless, useless or any other adjective that fits how we feel at the time.
When it comes to our experiences, because that blame has no where else to go, we work on the assumption that we must be to blame, that what happened to us is all our fault; that we deserve what we get, but that is further from the truth. By us understanding and seeing the bigger picture, we understand others' motive.
To understand other people’s reasoning and motives behind our experiences is to apportion blame back, doesn't matter the experience.
I have to come terms with a lot of crap in my past, much of which I am reminded about daily and I hate it.
I think I could and should have dealt with it while it was going on, but that's history now. I know I mustn't carry the responsibility, but it's hard not to sometimes.
If you're referring to bad behaviour or abuse, please don't feel bad. I think the biggest mistake we all make is take other people's bad behaviour and think we could do something about it. When guilt has nowhere to go we own and carry it as if it's ours to own; but it's not.
When anyone chooses to abuse, their state of mind has gone past normal. No one can rationale with someone who spends their life abusing others. As you say, you mustn't carry the responsibility and I agree that is hard sometimes.
But try to reconcile that it's not your guilt to carry. Those that care about us will know that too.