Experiences aren't about erasing the past, or pretending the past didn't hurt. They're also not about choosing to live in its shadow. There is a strength in many of us who have lived with trauma: the strength of deciding what to hold on to and what to let go of.
The past encourages us to look again at our own experiences, and the long road we need to take in trying to understand our experiences. Is forgiveness something we have to reach for in order to move on, or is understanding enough for emotional healing?
For understanding, emotional healing is more important than forgiveness, because without understanding, healing cannot begin. Once you have understanding, you can then choose whether or not to forgive.
Not all circumstances require forgiveness, but without the understanding you're unlikely to forgive. For many, forgiveness can feel like a mountain to climb – especially when their pain runs deep particularly in the case of trauma.
Understanding, however, is more realistic, is more attainable and can be profoundly freeing. Understanding gives shape to the past. It helps us to see what happened through a wider lens. It gives us permission to stop internalising blame that was never ours to carry – and supports mental health and self-healing.
Forgiveness is often influenced by one's lived experiences, timing, and personal growth.
