On Belief, Self-Deception and the Difficulty of Accepting the Truth

We like to think that believing something is the final step in a process. We observe. We consider. We weigh up what we know. Then we arrive at a belief.

But the human condition is rarely that straight forward. Sometimes the process runs in the opposite direction. We may begin with what we would like to be true and, without quite noticing, arrange what we see around it.

This is one of the quieter forms of self-deception: believing something not because it is true, but because we need it to be.

Perhaps the difficulty is not always that we cannot recognise the truth, but that we are reluctant to accept it. What we already believe may suit us better. It may be more comfortable, more reassuring, or simply easier than having to reconsider something we have long taken for granted.

And that is where truth becomes expensive.

We tend to think of beliefs as statements about reality. But beliefs can serve other purposes too. They can preserve hope. Protect relationships. Maintain identity. Create belonging. Keep an old story intact.

Sometimes what matters most about a belief is not whether it is completely accurate, but what would happen if it disappeared. When something important to us is challenged, we do not necessarily become more curious. We may become more certain. The mind is remarkably good at defending the world it already knows.

Of course, there is a complication. We can see this tendency very easily in other people. It is considerably harder to see in ourselves. We notice other people's contradictions, selective memories and convenient explanations while remaining surprisingly confident in our own.

Which means that anyone genuinely interested in truth has an awkward obligation: To turn the same scrutiny inward.

What do I believe because the evidence supports it? What do I believe because it is comfortable? What have I dismissed because accepting it would inconvenience the story I already tell myself?

And perhaps the hardest question:

What would I be willing to discover that I was wrong about?

If the answer is nothing, then we are no longer searching for truth. We are protecting a position.

Truth has an unfortunate quality. It has no obligation to be convenient. Reality simply is. Our relationship with it is the complicated part.

Perhaps that is why genuine openness requires more than intelligence. It requires a certain tolerance for discomfort. The ability to encounter something that unsettles us without immediately explaining it away. To say, I don't know.

None of this means distrusting everything we believe. It means holding our beliefs firmly enough to live by them, but lightly enough to examine them.

Perhaps there is a simple test worth applying occasionally.

Not:

Am I certain?

Certainty proves surprisingly little.

Instead:

If this were not true, would I want to know?

That question changes things. Because wanting the truth and wanting to be right are not the same things. One asks reality to reveal itself. The other asks reality to agree with us.

And every human being, sooner or later, has to decide which of those two things they're feeding.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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