A study by researchers at California University in 2010 suggests that by the time we’re 7 years old our characters are fully formed. (Source: https://www.livescience.com)

But what happens when we’ve had no support, when that voice in our head belittles our very existence, when it starts to draw comparisons with other people, and we become convinced by the negative things we tell ourselves?

We don’t have to continually buy into it. We can change certain aspects and go on to live fulfilling lives, even without the early support. We can look at past experiences and situations, find new understandings and look for new emotional endings. With work on ourselves, we can bring a different thought process into the equation that helps change how we see and deal with things.

It is difficult to change the circumstances around trauma, but it is possible through continual work on ourselves to change the thoughts in our minds, so that we’re not choosing to take in negativity from our past and other people.

How do we change?

We change by challenging our thoughts, and as we work through each experience as it happens, so that we’re looking at the bigger picture, seeing everyone’s part in the process and using our conscious mind to change our understanding.

We can’t always change other people’s behaviour in our past, but we can change the way we think and perceive their behaviour, by making the issues we’re struggling with their responsibility, if they are responsible. The sad reality is that we don’t; instead we carry other people’s guilt when they choose not to accept responsibility for it.

We’re tied to the thoughts in our subconscious and if they are negative we live negative lives. Bringing those thoughts back into the present, conscious moment and challenging ourselves to look at, understand and work through those negative thoughts will help us change our thinking.

Also, as we learn to let go of judging ourselves and judging others, we can start to look at our issues and lives more positively.