It’s not always losing a parent that brings about problems with inner peace. It’s often there, we just don’t realise it. We should have inner peace long before we lose a parent. It can make losing a parent even more difficult, because we’re not settled within ourselves. When I lost my mum to cancer six years ago I hadn’t got to that point where I was okay with things.
As I sat and watched my mother struggle, having achieved very little in her life up to that point, I must have subconsciously contemplated my thoughts on her illness, because a year later after she passed, I set about changing things in my life. It can take a terminal illness for us to think long and hard about ourselves; what it is we need to change to achieve in our lives.
Letting go of the negative dialogue
The biggest change is letting go of the negative dialogue, the dialogue we keep going back to when we come to realise we haven’t done anything with our life and we’re just about to lose a parent. As we evolve, we should try to embrace the philosophy that things happen for a reason. My mum was that reason at that time.
My understanding is that the universe plays the biggest part in carving out those reasons and lessons. The universe also decides how honesty, integrity and good arrive in our lives. Once we understand the fundamentals of the universe we can work in tandem with it.
Placing your trust in the universe
We often experience surprises that give us much greater rewards than we expect. We should perhaps learn to place our trust in the universe even when we’re not seeing the rewards straight away, because it's the universe that will ultimately lead us to people or experiences that have the potential to help us bring about calm.
When we put our trust into something that gives us the answers back, whether they’re the answers we want or not we have something to work from, to aim for. Inner peace is a gradual process and needs to incorporate a unique and different approach from us. When we continue to hold on to our past using the same inner dialogue with our usual negative patterns, we will never have peace.
If you have to use the past, use it as a milestone to show yourself how far you’ve come, not as a reminder at what you haven't achieved.
I agree with you, except instead of the universe I believe in God. I do believe we need to take stock of our lives. When we lose our parents we sometimes feel lost. It's up to us to be the parents now.
With my mom battling cancer and my father gone from cancer, I yearn for the way things used to be. How we used to get together with friends and family. I feel lost at times, but I tell myself that I am the parent now and it's up to me to make the good memories for my children and grandchildren like my parents did.
I think I've done well in my life so far. I've accomplished more than I ever thought I would or my parents thought I would and I know there is more out there to be accomplished.
I have a new son to raise, a happy marriage and home life. I hope I can instill the values in my children that my parents instilled in me.
Thanks Lisa. I am sure there will be many who will resonate with your thoughts. I think losing a parent automatically brings about concerns and issues of how we see our lives and what changes we feel we should make at that time. When we lose a parent, it highlights our own mortality.
If your belief system helps you deal with your life positively and takes away the worry element of what you deal with, then it's good you stick with your winning formula.
We have to go with what works for us at the end of the day; that is so important.
Sometimes when major things happen it forces us to look at our lives. It's not always easy, but it is necessary in order to move on and grow.
I agree with your thoughts Randy. Thank you.
Yes I'm really having to take stock of my life at this point, since I'm at a point where I really need to do this.
There's a lot going on that I have to deal with and they are things I have to deal with, whether I want to or not. I've tried to avoid a lot of chaos in my life which has helped tremendously.
I'm hoping and praying that I will be able to deal with all of these problems without getting too stressed out over it!
I hope so too Randy. Sometimes I think we're emotionally stronger than we think we are when we're put to the test, but of course we have to put ourselves to the test to find out!