I have been carrying trauma for most of my life. From the outset, through my words – my life may seem easy – but my words may not always reveal the weight I carry – for those who read my story, they will know that trauma has been a constant presence.
Trauma doesn’t just disappear. It stays, it lingers, and takes root when there’s no acknowledgment, no discussion, and no apology. The emotional weight of what happened to me remains, because it was never addressed. I still carry that weight. It isn’t an aftermath – it’s a constant presence. Without closure, without recognition, the past isn’t just the past; it continues to shape my present.
I have depression, how could I not? When you endure long-term trauma for as many years as I have, the body feels the impact. Healing begins with understanding that truth, even when others refuse to.
When others choose not to face your truth you then live with unresolved trauma. That is what I have.
I remember a conversation I had with my twin when she told me she was 'depressed' and I didn't equate her words with the fact that I was probably dealing with depression too. I wish I could rewind that conversation. I wish we could have talked about how each of us felt. Twin loss is like no other loss. It's two years into her death and my life has been a continual struggle – I am lonely without her – and still depressed. And while our relationship wasn't easy, life with her loss is now more of a struggle.
