I'm still working through the healing process, please bear with me. With my twin, I never had to look at life through a different lens – we were periodically in each other’s lives and the twin bond was there. Now all I have are memories.

It's been a year and life isn't the same

It's been a year since she passed and my life isn't the same. There is a melancholy that never goes away. It’s there when I wake up and it’s there when I go to bed. The more I learn about her new life, the better I feel. Being pushed into moving forward and with no choice – means I’ve not been able to process her death fully.

A year in, and I’m still processing and will be for some time to come.

I live with the fact we are apart

I live with the fact we are apart, but through the spiritual realm we still have a link.

The physical separation is difficult – it's only been a year, but it seems like 3. However long it takes, or whatever healing looks and feels like, I am slowly trying to heal.

There is no quick expiry date. My twin may be gone, but our connection will never diminish.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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