We will either spend a life disengaging, then engaging, reacting inappropriately, get that wrong, then disengage again.
Unproductive actions lead us to nowhere, instead of us using our time productively to unlock our thinking, engage our thoughts, then create conversations that allow us to think about present or future possibilities and engage appropriately.
As children, we learn to disengage, but sometimes disengaging isn't helpful when we need to stick up for ourselves on the things that need correcting, things that are said or done. Our environment, family and siblings, may often be the reason we disengage.
Growing up, we learn where we come in the pecking order, which sibling is more important. We also learn it’s sometimes easier not to say something, than to say something and get ourselves into trouble. We follow the patterns that are acceptable to others, then realise just how much harder everything has become.
As adults, we learn how important it is to engage, to get our point across, but staying engaged needs emotional work. But we must unlock our thinking and take control of our lives, and not rely on others who over time may come to control us.
Well, that's definitely what I need to be working on right now. My thinking has always been skewed by the impression that my life didn't really matter other than to take care of others, like my mother forced me to do for most of my childhood.
It did become the easier, softer way to just disengage from what I was feeling and do what she expected me to do. This is so obviously what I have been doing for most of my life and in toxic relationships, where I have allowed them to control my life.
Sadly, the only term that comes to mind is that I have Mommy issues that I need to address. She instilled that prime directive of learned helplessness, to the point where I haven't felt in control of my life for the longest time; but it is definitely something I so desperately want to change.
I can resonate with you Randy. Yes, disengaging always seems easier, but in the longer term, it's not so easy.
Because the older we get, at some point we have to take control and we can only do that, by unlocking out thinking so that we get to deal with our thoughts.
Being mindful helps us at least understand our presenting circumstances, even if at that point we're not in a position to act.
Circumstances always change, sadly not when we want them to, but being aware at least prepares us for the inevitable.