Not being upset that a parent isn’t in our life, doesn’t make us bad people. It highlights things for us that should have been changed that weren’t, when that parent was this side of life. It just allows us to distance our feelings.

Whilst dealing with my father's terminal illness, I could never imagine what life would be like without him, although I finally felt relief when he passed; it was a stressful time.

Whilst talking to my father a few days before he passed, I began to realise that my life with him had been about his life, he had only ever put himself first. Perhaps I had been living in hope that his life would have emotionally been about his children.

That's okay, because I believe now he's tucked away in spirit, in all likelihood that will eventually change.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Wasted opportunities”

  1. You're right, you're not a bad person for not being upset about your father's death.

    It was wrong of your parents not to do anything about your condition while you were growing up and not giving you information wasn't right. When people become parents it should be about the child not themselves.

    We are blessed with another life and we're supposed to care for that life no matter what.

    1. I totally agree with you Lisa. As parents' it is our duty to put our children first with everything, no matter what.

      I think not having the emotional support has made me more aware of what I know is right, so it's easier to change for our own family, but unfortunately that doesn't change the original problem.

  2. It's okay to feel the way you do. You are being honest and that is only a good thing.

    I agree not having the appropriate emotional support as a child has also shown you how not to do it and if you can find something positive from your experiences that is to be applauded.

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