Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself. You know where you came from, and sometimes you know what it could turn you into if you let it. That can be more frightening than failing. The idea of becoming a product of everything that hurt you. Of letting your past become your identity.
There are days when you’re tired. Days when you question whether any of it is even worth it. I think about the younger version of me – the one who didn’t have control, the one who didn’t understand why things were so challenging.
The one who thought she was being protected and didn't stop to question.
I’ve realised growth isn’t always loud. It isn’t dramatic. Most of the time, it’s in the small choices we make every day. Choosing self-awareness instead of denial. Choosing to recognise patterns rather than blindly repeat them.
I chose self-awareness, but it takes time to understand what that actually means or how it relates to your experience.
We all have patterns. Things we pick up from childhood, our environment, relationships and experiences. Things that become part of us without us ever really deciding whether we want them. But at some point, we need to start noticing. And perhaps that’s where change and choice begins.
I don’t know how old I was when I realised I had to stop waiting for someone else to save me. But I think part of growing up is recognising that we can’t always wait for our circumstances to change before we do. Sometimes, the change begins with how we choose to respond.
That’s when things can start to shift.
Truthfully, I am still learning. Still unlearning. Still slowly building. I don’t think that ever really stops. But I am no longer that child watching life just happen around me.
I know who I am.
And I get to choose what I want for myself.
