Autonomy, Identity and the Right to Understand Our Own Story

We often talk about autonomy as if it simply means making our own choices, but it reaches much deeper than that. It is about being recognised as someone whole – with thoughts, feelings, questions, values, and a right to understand themselves.

When we come to understand where we have come from, who we are, and what matters to us, we may be better able to shape lives that feel meaningful and authentic.

For many people, autonomy is woven into everyday life: making decisions, asking questions, expressing opinions, choosing what matters to them, and having a sense of ownership over their own story.

But there are times when that sense of autonomy can be affected – through circumstances, relationships, systems, health challenges, vulnerability, fear, or simply through being surrounded by messages that suggest others know what is best for us.

In those circumstances, finding our way back to ourselves can be a long and deeply personal journey.

For me, that journey began with trying to understand a childhood in which I did not know I was growing up with something I would later come to understand as a disability.

It can mean living with unanswered questions, knowing that parts of your story have been shaped by others, and searching for a deeper understanding of who you are.

Sometimes we may lose parts of ourselves because we're trying to cope. Sometimes we may never be given the opportunity to discover our voice. And sometimes, when others step in, it becomes difficult to know where their guidance ends and our own choices begin.

But our identity remains our own.

Our experiences, values, memories and hopes are all part of who we are. We all deserve the opportunity to understand our own history, recognise our strengths, ask questions, make choices, and discover what matters to us.

Autonomy is about being heard, being included, and being supported to have a meaningful say in our own lives.

Perhaps that is something worth thinking about – not only in our own lives, but in the way we support others. Do we make space for people to ask questions, understand their own story, and tell us what matters to them?

Whatever your age, it is never too late to begin listening to it.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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