Our jobs, society, family, heritage and culture, all create roles for us, but who we are has nothing to do with those roles.

Uniquely and individually, we are us. Our personality should dictate who we are, rather than our roles dictate who we are. We are people first, our role second. My blog has shaped my thinking and my life, but that’s because what I write is based on my intuition and 'universal truths' and that defines my personality.

We are also defined by others through our jobs, what we fail to do, what we fail to achieve and whether we succeed. The jobs we work at, whether we’re a teacher, or an accountant are how we sometimes see ourselves. We take our work home with us; we live our lives through our work. We communicate through what we experience, often defined by our jobs.

We create how we are. We overlook so many parts of our identity, to make our lives fit, but we’re so much more than that. We must get to know who we are, outside of our work roles; peel back the layers on our true identities, not us with the ego.

Slipping into our roles, we become less vulnerable because our job becomes our safety net, but if we were to fail we have already written ourselves off, because we don’t know how to manage ourselves outside of our roles.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

Most people who read this blog

went on to read these blogs next
Date 27 October 2026
Author Ilana Estelle

When Kindness Gets Lost In the Noise

Kindness in a Changed World and Why It Still Matters It's hard not to notice. Covid changed us. It changed the world. But we don't have to stay there. It's not that jealousy, blame and scapegoating weren't there ...
Read more
Date 23 October 2026
Author Ilana Estelle

Trauma and the Body: Understanding Isn't Enough

When the past shapes how we feel and respond We often think of trauma as something we remember, something that belongs to the past. The reality is we're not always sure we have or carry trauma. But the effects of difficult ...
Read more
Date 21 October 2026
Author Ilana Estelle

Learning to Trust Your Intuition

Ways to Strengthen Your Intuition and Trust Your Gut Having been locked in my head for years, I began to notice, listen to and trust what I later came to understand was my intuition in my early thirties. Have you ever had a ...
Read more
1 2 3 … 532

4 comments on “You are not your role”

  1. I have never fully understood what my role was supposed to be, seeing as I was forced to be my mother's emotional teddy bear and wasn't allowed to really develop my own identity.

    I'm sure this was why I kept on trying to fulfill that role with women who were so much like my mother and it always ended badly. I'm at the point where I don't want to be in that role anymore, but can't quite figure out how to accomplish that goal.

    I'm guessing that it would be comparable to something like someone who has been a soldier for most of their life and don't really know anything different.

    It would be absolutely fantastic if I was able to figure out what my role really is, once I have the freedom to do my own thing once again.

    1. Thanks Randy. Our role as a child is to be a child, although when you're being brought up in a 'dysfunctional family,' that doesn't happen and we are given roles by our parents.

      Now you know that wasn't right, but that's how it was. Your role now as the adult is what you want your role to be. It depends on what you want from your life and working towards that change.

      I've come to that assumption through my own journey. We can create the life we want, reinvent ourselves... regardless of the life we've had.

  2. The good news is that my role will change until I'm liberated, if I don't get swallowed by the walls waiting.

    1. Thanks Tim. I don't see that being you. We tend to 'get swallowed up' when we allow others to take control of our lives, until we take control back.

      Our personalities tend to change to fit our circumstances until such a time our circumstances change for good around family scenarios particularly. But we have to be instrumental in creating that change.

      Through your responses and from what you say, I believe you are working towards liberation. That's the first step to becoming liberated.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to receive regular updates

Enter your details below to be the first to receive updates on new articles on my blog.