Although in your early years you may not start out in control of your decisions, or your life, it could be a cultural or family thing, or a society dictating your terms.
It should be up to each of us to decide how we choose to live. Not everyone is going to like or agree with some of our decisions, but they are ours to make, in the same way our parents made their decisions and their parents before them.
But as long as we're not breaking the law or harming anyone, we should be allowed to make our own decisions. What we choose to do is our life. We need to feel comfortable with our decisions, it’s not up to family to agree. It’s us who need to live with our decisions, pleasing others so we fit in doesn't help, because we will lose ourselves in trying.
Whether others think they have a say, your decisions are for you to make, it is not for others to agree, or disagree. Although making decisions isn't always easy, it's not something to ignore because it's easier.
It never felt like it was my life to begin with, so the thought of being able to make my own decisions is such a foreign concept to me.
Looking back on my life, I have always made decisions based on what would make others happy, which meant what I really wanted was not important and irrelevant.
I'm sure that's why the idea of living my own life has been such a struggle, since I was coerced into believing that I was always supposed to put others needs first, ahead of my own.
The end result is that I suffered when trying to do my own thing and which meant going against every instinct that was drilled into my head as a child.
My only thought now is that I would like to be able to live my own life, without the mountain of guilt, shame and remorse that I was buried under as a child.
Thanks Randy. As a pleasing child you're describing my life. I can resonate with you, but everything that is new to us can be a foreign concept. The more we do it, the less foreign it becomes.
Keep on making decisions Randy, it will get easier I promise. It's what I've had to do myself. I believe you can do it too.
In my formative years I made my own decisions and never had to think about someone else making those decisions with me, or about the consequences.
I was used to making my own decisions on my own, which is why I found it hard when someone came into my life and whose father expected my decisions to be made with him in mind. That didn't go down well and was the source of much friction for many years.
When it comes to making any decisions, whether they're made individually or through a relationship, others may often have their opinion.
It takes a strong person to stick to their guns and continue to make decisions for themselves and not others, even when those others think the decision should be made with them in mind.
In those circumstances, you begin to think whether it's worth having that person in your life.
Although decisions were continually being made for me as a child, I've had to learn quickly on my feet about decision making.
Yes, it is important as individuals that we're allowed to make decisions without someone else expecting us to fall into line with their opinion and then us not being allowed to make our decision. That isn't right of course.
But however we're brought up, making decisions must always be a team effort on both sides. Not only is that the right thing to do, but working together makes for a more deep, meaningful and harmonious relationship.
Relationships also become more engaging and productive on both sides, less stressful and they're healthier.