Grieving is a difficult and individual process and everyone copes with loss in their own way and at their own pace. Taking the time to live with the reality that my twin is gone, for me involves acknowledging and accepting the finality of her absence. That's hard.

Grieving is also a profoundly personal journey, and everyone experiences it differently. It is important to give myself the space needed to mourn in my own way and at my own pace. I also need to bring understanding on the loss, but also to celebrate our twinness and the fact that my twin lived.

Here are a few steps we can all take to navigate this process:

Allow yourself to feel

Give yourself permission to grieve and at your own pace. Work with your feelings. Feel the emotions that arise, whether it's anger, sadness, or disbelief. It could be a mix of various feelings. It's okay to feel a mix of emotions. You may find that as you go through the grieving process there will be a mix of different emotions, particularly if you're dealing with a suicide, or your loved one's death is unexpected, or sudden.

Create a support system

Reach out to friends, family if you have someone you can talk to, or a support group who can help with your grief, with your loss. Sharing your feelings and memories may help you process your loss.

Accept the new reality

Understand that your loved one is no longer physically present. This can be challenging to come to terms with, especially if their death was sudden or unexpected. It may take time to fully accept that person is gone, but gradually acknowledging they've gone, can help in the healing process.

Journalling

I have chosen to write my thoughts and feelings on my blog. It is a therapeutic way to express my emotions and reflect on the positive memories I shared with her.

Give yourself time to reminisce

It is important to take time to reminisce on the happy and sad times, of the memories you have shared. It can be helpful to engage in activities that remind you of the person you have lost; to perhaps look through old pictures, or write down your thoughts and feelings about your loved one.

Take care of yourself

Grieving can be mentally and physically draining. Make self-care a priority. Eat nourishing meals, get enough rest and engage in activities that bring you comfort. Grieving takes time, so be patient with yourself; allow yourself to take moments of rest.

Seek professional help if you need to

The grieving process can become overwhelming, it can also last for extended periods, and it can significantly impact your daily life. If it does it may be important to consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in grief counselling. They can provide guidance, coping strategies and a safe space to express your emotions.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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