Resentment comes from feeling we’ve been treated unfairly, when we find it hard to forgive those who have wronged us. When we hold on to negative experiences we will begin to harbour feelings of resentment.
Holding on to resentment
The more we hold on to negative experiences, the more we close ranks on our feelings, the more those feelings will escalate into bigger, the more intense are our feelings of resentment. But holding on to resentment prevents us from seeing our life in a healthy and balanced way. Resentment fuels anger that if left, can turn into abusive and self-destructive behaviour.
I was angry and irritated by the injustice of being kept in the dark, having to work through my mental, neurological and emotional issues on my own. When I am able to understand the person behind the deed, I am less inclined to judge.
When someone doesn’t want to know, and they struggle emotionally, as a result they will continue to struggle. But how they are may not always be down to a malicious act or a malicious thought, it may be because that person can’t cope. It doesn’t make it right, it just makes it what it is. All we need to know is they will always be accountable and responsible. It’s not for us to judge.
Pushing resentment away
Where resentment is concerned, we tend to push those feelings away without thinking about or dealing with them. Perhaps it’s because we would have to confront ourselves first before confronting others and emotionally we’re not quite ready.
Maybe we’re also worried that saying something will jeopardise the relationship and we’re not keen to rock the boat, but if that’s what we’re worried about, it’s clear the relationship has already hit rocky waters, and if that is the case, then it’s time for us to re-assess.
I tend to do this with more than one family member. I know it is unhealthy and I have to let it go. Working on it, but it is difficult.
Thanks for being so honest Randy.
Although you live with resentment and it's not your fault, you know it's not healthy to hold on to it and must let it go if you can.
I'm pleased you're working on it. You're right, it is difficult to know how to let go, but I know in the longer term you will feel so much better when you do.
I have a grudge with one of my family members that I've had for a few years now and she doesn't even realise she has caused a problem by her actions.
I'm not ready to confront her with it yet. I have forgiven her in my heart and I need to let her know this. I will in due time hopefully.
Good post.
Thanks Lisa. It's very nice of you to forgive in your heart this family member before she's apologised to you... and I agree that it's important for us to forgive, but the other person has to know and be responsible for his/her actions.
If you forgive before you have the apology, that person will never learn to be accountable or apologise to others.
I tend to do the same as Randy; but with time I usually find a place for their nonsense.
We cannot sort others out, only ourselves.
I agree that finding a place for their nonsense would be one thing we can do, although I believe that resentment is usually there for a reason... so I would tend to have to deal with it, rather than find a place for it.
This one is true but I don't do it.
Resentment is a yuck feeling and given my life, it would be the only thing I'd ever feel.
All I can do is work on making things better for myself and not live in the past.
I'm so pleased you don't.
You're absolutely right in your thinking. Living with resentment from our past will make us feel bad and hurt us. Changing our mind set so that we make things better, will help us move on from our past. That would be the right way to go.
I hope others draw inspiration from your response. Many thanks for posting it.