It’s a fact of life that things don’t always turn out the way we plan. How many times have you made arrangements only to find you have to re-arrange or cancel your arrangements because something’s cropped up?
I never take for granted that if I plan something it will happen, because life and the plans I make will always be open to change. Some things are meant to happen, other things aren’t and there’s usually a reason, a bigger picture.
If we always expected things to happen when we planned them, we would inevitably end up working through disappointing scenarios, especially when the things we had planned didn't happen the way we anticipated.
We build ourselves up to believe things will happen a certain way and when they don’t, we feel let down. It’s the things we don’t end up doing that we've had no control over, where we feel the most let down.
Life is about learning not to assume, not to expect, but to appreciate and understand that some plans aren’t always within our control and that life may often have other plans for us. We must accept that.
I'm a perfectionist (not as bad as I once was) and when I plan things I usually expect something to go wrong and usually something does happen, but it's mostly small things.
If we plan on going on a holiday I get nervous thinking of the things that could go wrong. I need to learn how to let go and not get nervous because I end up being miserable and nothing goes wrong so I've got myself in a tizzy for nothing.
The last minute plans work out best for us, because I don't have time to think up scenarios of things that could go wrong. I also need to learn that I have no control over things. If something is going to happen it is going to happen. I can't stop it unless I live my life as a hermit and stay where I'm at and not go anywhere or make plans.
Thanks Lisa. If plans go ahead (like a holiday) I tend not to think about what could go wrong. I'd probably worry myself into a frenzy and as you pointed out invariably nothing happens; we just think something will happen. We convince ourselves.
Yes we don't always have control over things, that's life. Sometimes we think something will happen and it doesn't happen at all, or what we think will happen doesn't happen in the way we thought because something else happens instead.
It's so easy to conjure up scenarios of things that may happen and that's not helpful. We have to be able to get on with things and put our trust in life and not assume things before they happen and if we plan something and we have to change our plans go with that too.
I had a lot of plans when I was a child, but things happened that made me feel like none of my dreams were possible! I had dreamed of being a jet pilot but when my eye was injured by a girl trying to crush my skull that went out the window.
It always seemed like there was one thing after another in my life that made me feel like no matter what I did, I could never do what I wanted to do. I sometimes wonder if my father was right when he said my mother's mother put a curse on our family!
We were raised in a world where chaos was the norm so we never really were able to make any concrete plans. How many times can you have your world turned upside down before it crushes your spirit? My mother also went very far out of her way to try to control us so we would do her bidding.
My siblings were able to escape as soon as they could, but I was the youngest so she was desperate to hang on to me. Only a few years ago did I learn that she actually had the mental age of a 10 year old, plus mental health issues, which I have come to understand all too well!
Now all I can do is try to make what plans I can for the time I have left and hope for the best. My daughter needs me to be the father that I should have been when she was young. I've wasted far too much of my life dwelling on what I should have done.
My biggest fear has become ending up with dementia like both my parents and eventually not even knowing it! Life always has a way of throwing a curve ball which I should be used to by now and just have to learn to go with it.
Thanks Randy. From what I know all mental health issues are hereditary. We can have a nervous breakdown and develop mental health issues.
From what you say Randy, it sounds as though your mum was born with mental health issues, which escalated the older she got. As long as we're in control of our lives and don't just sit back and wait for things to happen, I believe we can be in control of our health too.
As a parent myself I believe we owe it to our children to work on our health so that they don't have to worry about us. In your mother's case, it sounds as though she had too many problems that were beyond her control that couldn't be sorted, which stemmed from issues around her birth.
At the end of the day we have control of our lives and it's up to us to change what we know we can change. Some conditions aren't hereditary. We don't have to wait for the same thing to happen to us.