There was one area of my life that I continually blamed myself for and that was my failing in school. Each day was a continual battle. As I dutifully got dressed each morning, I knew it was going to be another day of struggles. It wasn’t that I just didn’t get school, I had a mental disability that I didn’t know I had that stopped me from learning.
My Failings were Never About Me
Looking back, my failings were never about me, but my parents made me, make them about me. I carried that guilt for years until such a time I was able to place them back. My failures were never mine – yet as my parents checked out my end of year report card, every year, the blame was solely on me. It's just 'Ilana'. It is important to place guilt where the blame truly lies. When you begin to learn about people you will have more of an understanding on what belongs to them, why they must own what belongs to them, and not allow them to impart their shortcomings onto you. My responsibilities to this day still remain with me. I struggled to learn.
Living my 'Disability Journey' On My Terms Has Been Good For Me
Choosing to look at my journey, around my disability and for the first time, has catapulted me into a much healthier space. I can see the ‘wood from the trees now.’ Everything is clear. The blame isn't with me. We need to think about why we’re blaming ourselves and ask ourselves if blaming ourselves, is really the right thing to do.
We shouldn't blame ourselves if we’re not to blame, but there does come a time when we need to turn the mirror on ourselves and start addressing the issues that we're carry others' guilt for.
I have wasted my life blaming myself for the mistakes my parents made, when it wasn't my responsibility to begin with.
They spent most of their time burying us under a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse which seemed impossible for me to get out from under, but I finally feel like I may be getting there.
I have spent too much time than I care to remember punishing myself, when there was so much that really wasn't my fault. I hope I can save myself and help others, if they need the help.
Thanks Randy. Yes, you can't blame yourself for what your parents have done, but you can change what you do now with your life, if you feel it's necessary.
It took me too many years to understand the concept myself, but once I'd worked it all through things did become easier. It is important we separate their issues from ours and own what belongs to us and deal with those.
With time, effort and experience it does get easier.
Guilt from blaming oneself is a tough burden and I am glad that you longer feel guilty about your school education.
It was never your guilt to own in the first place, but those whose guilt it was found it easier for them to let you live your life with the guilt, instead of them.
It is unforgiveable to put a child through that.
Thanks. I'm happy to leave this response with you. I have nothing more that I feel I need to add.