It is because I have autism that every day life is difficult. I fail to feel the highs when I achieve those and am mentally and emotionally affected by the lows.
My non-euphoric life
Being able to feel euphoric or elated about an achievement would balance the lows, but not being able to feel is worse because I will never have that euphoric moment, when I can tell myself I did it.
Whilst I have a life doing what I love to do through my writing, working around the pandemic has highlighted my anxiety and autism, my disability and my struggles have become even more evident.
Autism and Feelings of Dread
The feelings of dread is always there. Autism doesn't lend itself to a pandemic situation. Having to adjust and get my head around the pandemic isn't manageable.
There are days when I think I’m okay, then it hits again and I'm back with such overwhelming feelings. Not having the necessary tools to cope, has never become more evident, as it is now.
I believe feelings of dread is more widespread than we think, considering all that we are dealing with today, it's enough to clench your hands into fists. So your feelings are quite normal, Ilana.
But reading The CP Diary and passing knowledge between us enlightens my life, there's nothing at all dreadful about that.
Thanks Tim. Your words are heartfelt. It's nice to know these are not just my struggles.
It's in times like these I wish I could hibernate until things start to feel easier. Living with a disability isn't easy, in the pandemic it's near to impossible, it's mentally draining because I deal with autism.
Glad The CP Diary enlightens your life. It enlightens my life too. In a chaotic world, it's my normal.