"My experiences, my feelings on how I got to this place will never leave me. I am not wittingly choosing to carry those, or spite those who have done to this to me, but ignoring a child who has a disability and special needs, isn’t something you just get over, it’s something that child will learn to live with.

As the adult, I choose not to be defined by cerebral palsy and autism, it is doable; but others will still be responsible. Their lives will always be intertwined with mine. However hard they try to ignore what’s been done, the universe will let them know they’re not done.

My father made it clear he didn’t want to know. He was fortunate – my disability was mild enough to be overlooked. At the same time, I was told to be patient, to trust that things would change. I was encouraged to wait, to believe that bigger and better things lay ahead, that I shouldn’t give up, and that in the end, I would become 'the better person.'

Me being at a disadvantage as a child ,was spirits way of saying your life will be corrected, it will come good. I couldn't see it back then. Yes, it has taken me 56 years to come to know and understand my disability, but without going through such bitter experiences, I wouldn't have what I have got with my website.

I needed to wait and trust in the 'higher force' that my life would come good. What happened to me is not to be condoned, but I could never have foreseen why the universe needed me to go through these experiences – that this was part of the universe's bigger plan for me.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “A Different Slant on My Life”

  1. Yes, you have come through a better person, as your father stated. So much so that you're an inspiration to us all.

    I'm so glad the universe introduced me to you.

    1. That's so kind, thanks Tim. Yes, I am too. We think the same way, my thoughts are often your thoughts. It is why we were brought together. I also think our experiences, although different, are similar. We have both struggled.

      I am pleased that my experiences and my blog has helped you too. I don't see myself or think myself as inspirational, but thank you. I am just me.

  2. It takes a lot to look at things differently, but you are a power of example that it can be done. I definitely want to get a copy of your book.

    I have been having a very difficult time trying to come to terms with looking at things differently, but I know that it's what I need to do, to be able to move on with my life.

    I'm not sure there was anything my parents could have done to make up for what they put us through, so I definitely understand your feelings.

    It's hard to imagine the universe had any good reasons for what I went through, but I survived so I guess the point would be to share the message with others how it was that I did.

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