Finding out late in your 40's that you have cerebral palsy isn’t the same as finding out at the age of 2 to 3 years old.
When we’re diagnosed with something as a child we have our lives ahead of us to come to understand and adapt, to be able to deal with the condition and that helps us find an acceptance, even if we can't fully come to terms with it.
I knew something was wrong, but because it was late I was beginning to unconsciously reconcile that I may never get to know. I'd heard about cerebral palsy but wasn't sure whether I had mild cerebral palsy symptoms. But as quickly as I thought about that, I dismissed it also.
Never knowing what I had and having to wait to find out, meant it would go on to take me years longer to adapt, when I eventually did find out. Truth be told, I was more concerned about the lack of interest.
When we show we're interested, we show we care. That mattered more.
I can understand how difficult it must have been for you to find out in later life what you should have know as a child.
You have turned around that negativity around for both yourself and others and that is admirable.
Thanks. Those weren't the easiest of times. I felt angry and let down that those who should have been supporting me didn't, but in all of those years, I never gave up hope that one day I would find out.
I was quietly optimistic that one day I would find out and knew it was right for me to know. It has allowed me to build on that, whilst helping others also and for that I am enormously proud and grateful.
Remember I was telling you about my other mom's friends whose small children have Cerebral Palsy? Every time I see them, I think of you and it breaks my heart.
They got their kids tested at infancy and you had to wait until your 40's and pursue it on your own. No excuse at all. You have definitely conquered and continue to conquer your demons, my dear friend.
Awww that's so sweet Bonnie, thank you. I feel for anyone dealing with Cerebral Palsy. So sad for your other mom's friends, whose small children have Cerebral Palsy.
I try not to become jaded on how I got to this place, because I couldn't do what I do if I became embroiled in my own personal battle, so I try not to.
We don't forget the wrong, or the hardships we have to go through, the crossed words, the injustices, the reasons for our behaviour, but in a way what we have to go through shapes the person we become. It also doesn't cancel out others' responsibilities or conversations. They must reconcile those things for themselves.
But I wouldn't be doing what I am doing now if I hadn't have gone through those years, so that is the way I am choosing to look at it. I get side-tracked every now and again, (I wouldn't be human if I didn't) but I am in a much better emotional space because I am able to do what I do.
'No excuse at all,' I agree but we can't turn back time. It is what it is. I have to get on with it.
Just be you. Do what you know is your best, not what someone else thinks you should be doing.
I left work in 2015 and at the time dreaded it, because work served the main purpose of my day. I now, have a dog and her walkers bring a new dimension to my life.
Thanks Carol. I am so pleased you now have a new dimension to your life.
Animals are great for bringing understanding into our lives in a way humans can't. Even with the understanding I have, I still have very little understanding.
'Just be you' is absolutely right. I need to stop overthinking this. You've now given me permission to do that.