As parents, some of us will spend a lifetime learning about the parent role, whilst others will fail to grasp the parent concept in its entirety.
Being a parent isn’t an easy role, but as we begin to parent we will either parent through instinct, in the way we think, or what we’ve seen our parents do. Some parents will teach their children about confidence, some parents will teach their children about life through their own experiences and some parents will teach their children how to seek out opportunities.
Some parents will also teach their children discipline; some parents will teach their children how to be good communicators, but unfortunately somewhere along the line, some parents will impart their insecurities on their children without realising that’s exactly what they’re doing. Children will then continue to take on those insecurities without consciously knowing they are.
I came through my childhood with confidence and insecurity issues, brought about through my own set of circumstances and have had to unlearn and relearn the whole process again, this time without the issues.
I was lucky I guess. A distinct lack of real, hands on parenting meant any issues my parents had certainly weren't passed on to me, so I grew up without all the usual hang ups and insecurities they had.
Being a parent must be the hardest 'job' in the world, so we are bound to screw up every once in a while. The key is to learn and listen.
From what you say you seem to have come through your childhood pretty unscathed. It sounds as though your parents inadvertently helped you shape your own life because 'they failed to parent you' and you got to make a lot of your own decisions.
If there was baggage to carry along the way it will have been your own baggage and not that of your parents. That's the way it should be.
I think I've done the best I can with my children. My parents didn't impart their baggage on me and I don't think I've done it with my children. I have parented using my own experiences though.
There are just some things we learn from our past do deal with the present and if I can use it to teach a lesson to my own children I will.
Thanks Lisa. It's very rare we equate our parents parenting us unless we stop to think about it. I never stopped to question my parents parenting me until such a time I began to struggle emotionally through certain aspects of their parenting and that's when I made the correlation.
A parents' role is tough, but I'm not sure anyone comes through their childhood completely unscathed. I am sure my children won't either, but if we can look at the overall picture of what our parents tried to do for us, then we may have a chance to understand.