Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities.
She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges.
In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines.
Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.
Food for thought: “The world is round, and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.” IVY BAKER PRIEST An ending can feel like a loss, particularly when we cannot see what lies beyond it ...
Something inspirational: “I’m not going to continue knocking that old door that doesn’t open for me. I’m going to create my own door and walk through that.” AVA DuVERNAY
Food for thought: “He that flings dirt at another dirties himself most.” THOMAS FULLER This is a good reminder that when we speak badly of others or try to bring someone down, it often says more about us than it does about ...
True. I have allowed other people to spend my life seemingly, without the ability to do anything about it. I find it very difficult to deal with and accept it at times, seeing as I could have done so much more with my life.
How does one learn to move away from focusing on what could have been and do what they can in the present? My parents spent most of my childhood trying to force me to live by their rules so I didn't know anything different than trying to make unhappy people happy.
I wasted most of my life doing just that. The reality is that people with the help don't always know how to be happy, which means it may never happen, no matter how much others try to help.
Thanks Randy. You're right. I think it's important to know that if you could have changed things you would have.
I was in the same place as you Randy. I used to get cross with myself for not being mentally or emotionally strong enough to change my circumstances.
Week in and week out I would ask the same questions, why the brick wall was up, why didn't anyone want to help, what was so difficult?
The short answer is you cannot change those who don't want to change, therefore you must change. You must change your attitude, your perceptions, your opinions.
You also need to find answers that aren't forthcoming, and change the way you look at those who have done this to you, so you don't continue to beat yourself up about it.
Although it's hard to move forward, it's the right thing to do. Like me, your life with your parents was meant for you. On our part it's important we find the lessons, learn and move on.
Thank you. Yes, sometimes you've got to let go. You cannot change your experiences, just your attitude to your experiences.
From previous responses you've intimated you understand why. It's always made easier when we have that. And whilst we cannot change others, and we can only change ourselves, it becomes a defining moment in our life, when we choose to put ourselves first.
You mentally and emotionally getting sick for something 'that's been done to you' means the person doing it to you, 'has won.' Personally, I would never want to give anyone the satisfaction.
You and your family matter more. It's time to let it go.
True. I have allowed other people to spend my life seemingly, without the ability to do anything about it. I find it very difficult to deal with and accept it at times, seeing as I could have done so much more with my life.
How does one learn to move away from focusing on what could have been and do what they can in the present? My parents spent most of my childhood trying to force me to live by their rules so I didn't know anything different than trying to make unhappy people happy.
I wasted most of my life doing just that. The reality is that people with the help don't always know how to be happy, which means it may never happen, no matter how much others try to help.
Thanks Randy. You're right. I think it's important to know that if you could have changed things you would have.
I was in the same place as you Randy. I used to get cross with myself for not being mentally or emotionally strong enough to change my circumstances.
Week in and week out I would ask the same questions, why the brick wall was up, why didn't anyone want to help, what was so difficult?
The short answer is you cannot change those who don't want to change, therefore you must change. You must change your attitude, your perceptions, your opinions.
You also need to find answers that aren't forthcoming, and change the way you look at those who have done this to you, so you don't continue to beat yourself up about it.
Although it's hard to move forward, it's the right thing to do. Like me, your life with your parents was meant for you. On our part it's important we find the lessons, learn and move on.
I will resist the temptation to write a phD thesis on this, suffice it to say this was my life for longer than I care to mention.
Thankfully, while those days are over, unfortunately I am still living the legacy of those awful times and the control left behind.
Thank you. Yes, sometimes you've got to let go. You cannot change your experiences, just your attitude to your experiences.
From previous responses you've intimated you understand why. It's always made easier when we have that. And whilst we cannot change others, and we can only change ourselves, it becomes a defining moment in our life, when we choose to put ourselves first.
You mentally and emotionally getting sick for something 'that's been done to you' means the person doing it to you, 'has won.' Personally, I would never want to give anyone the satisfaction.
You and your family matter more. It's time to let it go.