Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities.
She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges.
In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines.
Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.
Something inspirational: “Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.” DORIS LESSING Thinking for yourself means more than having your own opinions. It means owning your words, your choices, and ...
Something inspirational: "We are not what happened to us. We are what we choose to become.” JAMES HOLLIS "I am drawn to James Hollis's words: 'We are not what happened to us. We are what we choose ...
Something inspirational: "Healing begins when we can hold our own experience with compassion." TARA BRACH Brach's quote reminds us that healing begins when we meet our pain with kindness instead of judgement ...
People do love to use that term, constructive criticism, but for me I don't quite hear it that way. I grew up in a world where my mom's family would talk badly about my dad's family and my dad would talk badly about my mom's, so what were we supposed to think?
Kind of a setup for hating ourselves, since we were a part of both of them. They also like to say that words will never hurt me, but when you hear it day in and day out for your entire childhood, it definitely leaves a lasting impression.
These are the voices I still hear in the back of my mind that have crushed my spirit and kept me from doing what I always wanted to do. I'm still not quite sure of what those things are, but I do have a bit of time to figure out what things they may turn out to be.
Thanks Randy, yes there is a difference of course between outright criticism, which is what you had as a child and criticism which is constructive.
I remember a talk I went to in my daughter's school, where the Head Teacher was talking about the children's conduct in school and how if all children had knuckled under more, those children would have achieved success too.
Anything constructive can help us of course and that starts with our parents. It also depends on who is handing out the criticism, constructive or not. We need to come from a place of care.
Sadly that didn't happen for you. As Brad has said in his response, your mum's behaviour was never about you. I hope you can bring comfort from that.
Criticism can be harmful so it is important how it is handled. Done properly, it is positive an part of our growth and learning.
Done negatively as Randy says, can be harmful and demoralising, causing lasting damage. The recipient of negative criticism should take comfort in that the person handing it out has the problem, not the recipient.
Thank you. Yes, Randy is right. I agree with him also. I love that your last sentence sums up your response. It's always the person handing out the problem with the problem, never the recipient.
I think it important we reinforce that in our minds.
People do love to use that term, constructive criticism, but for me I don't quite hear it that way. I grew up in a world where my mom's family would talk badly about my dad's family and my dad would talk badly about my mom's, so what were we supposed to think?
Kind of a setup for hating ourselves, since we were a part of both of them. They also like to say that words will never hurt me, but when you hear it day in and day out for your entire childhood, it definitely leaves a lasting impression.
These are the voices I still hear in the back of my mind that have crushed my spirit and kept me from doing what I always wanted to do. I'm still not quite sure of what those things are, but I do have a bit of time to figure out what things they may turn out to be.
Thanks Randy, yes there is a difference of course between outright criticism, which is what you had as a child and criticism which is constructive.
I remember a talk I went to in my daughter's school, where the Head Teacher was talking about the children's conduct in school and how if all children had knuckled under more, those children would have achieved success too.
Anything constructive can help us of course and that starts with our parents. It also depends on who is handing out the criticism, constructive or not. We need to come from a place of care.
Sadly that didn't happen for you. As Brad has said in his response, your mum's behaviour was never about you. I hope you can bring comfort from that.
Criticism can be harmful so it is important how it is handled. Done properly, it is positive an part of our growth and learning.
Done negatively as Randy says, can be harmful and demoralising, causing lasting damage. The recipient of negative criticism should take comfort in that the person handing it out has the problem, not the recipient.
Thank you. Yes, Randy is right. I agree with him also. I love that your last sentence sums up your response. It's always the person handing out the problem with the problem, never the recipient.
I think it important we reinforce that in our minds.
Criticism should be tactful not targeted, choosing tone and words carefully or it may worsen a situation; words in the moment matter.
Thanks Tim. Yes, you're absolutely right, words in the moment matter.
Words usually said in the heat of the moment, usually have far widening repercussions years down the line.