Support is something we should all have, but isn’t something we always accept. Having support sounds simple, but our realities make it far from simple.
For many of us, support is something we’re not great at receiving and for others, not great at giving. We may also sometimes stop ourselves from asking for help, because we either feel we’re not worthy, or we’re embarrassed.
Reaching out is not a sign of weakness
For others reaching out and asking for help may sometimes be a sign of weakness that in some small way we've failed. A sign of weakness for us is not being able to accept that we perhaps need help.
Reaching out is a sign of strength
To reach out is a sign of strength; everyone needs support at some point in their lives. It’s all to do with how we perceive things. 'Over the years, we cultivate a pattern of beliefs that either blend themselves into positive or negative thoughts.'
Asking for help is mature
Asking for help is a sign of maturity and a confidence thing. It allows us to get past negative experiences so that we are able to form bonds with the people giving us support and makes for better relationships. I have seen first-hand what happens when we stop people from helping. Invariably we will struggle.
Once we’ve accepted it's okay to accept and have support, we will ask for help. We should share our feelings with people who will listen and care for us and although that sounds easy, it’s not. Listening is a skill, but far too often we end up talking to the very people who set to judge, criticise and blame us.
Dysfunctional relationships
That is particularly true when it comes to dysfunctional relationships. We talk to the people who are dysfunctional whether they’re right for us or not, instead of us reaching out to those who will listen and want to care for us.
In the longer term it’s better to take control and be selective. It saves us being rejected when we’re at our most vulnerable.
I agree with you. Getting support to me isn't a sign of weakness. We need support sometimes to get through the hard times and to help us accomplish things in our lives, to help us move on and mature mentally.
I haven't always accepted support, because I think I felt guilty for some reason; that I would owe that person something that I couldn't give.
Sometimes I feel guilty because that's all I can give is support when I would love to be able to give more.
We give what we can, what we're equipped to give. We have to be able to support ourselves first. If we cannot support ourselves emotionally, we'll never be able to support anyone else.
I can understand why you would feel as though you owed someone for supporting you, but I believe people who offer support, genuinely do it because they want to offer their support, not because they expect something back.
I think sometimes we just have to find a level of acceptance that they're happy to support us without asking or expecting something back in return.
Support is wonderful when it comes from the right place. When it comes from the wrong place, it is interference.
I agree.
It's been very hard for me to accept support since I grew up in a world without it and to ask for help seemed like a mortal sin! My life has been very difficult, since there was so much that I didn't know about or how to do and I was never taught!
I was a very smart child and learned how to do things by myself quite often, but that was of little help in the adult world. My life skills were made to just survive, but had nothing to do with really living.
I'm only just now learning how to do that in a normal way. Hopefully I can continue to do better at it so that I can actually have a life for the first time!
I know how you feel Randy because I had little support myself, but not having support or having the right support in a way teaches us many things about how to do things differently for ourselves, as long as we're open to learning.
Since I left home I have learned to rely on others less and have learned to rely on myself more, so I get to know me a little more. Since there was no encouragement given either way, I have to know what makes me tick.
I see life differently now. If someone offers me support now even if I don't take it, it's nice to know that person cares enough to want to support me. That makes a big difference to how we perceive things.
As ever it's all about changing the old patterns to new ones that will give us a better outlook on our lives and others.