My twin passed away on Saturday 10th December 2022. It will be a day etched in all our memories, but for me as her surviving twin, it’s a date that will be etched for other reasons also. It was the day, I was forced to start living my life on my own without her in the background, or by my side. As a surviving twin, I will always be 'a twin.'
My twin life...
I was born a 'twin.' Long before the twinkle in our parents' eyes, we were always going to be 'twins.' When we were born and growing up, twins we were always referred to 'as the twins.' We were one unit in and out of school, and to both of our annoyance, we had no individuality. That was the issue. For twins now, it has changed. Now my twin is gone way too soon.
Spirituality
While Sheila was poorly, she focused more on her ‘spirituality.' It's something we both believed in and something I continue to follow. Through her spiritual beliefs, she bore her illness with courage, she was brave. I know she didn’t believe she was, she was merely being polite. But I wasn’t the only one to notice, just how brave she really was.
Talking about 'illness'
With autism, and throughout my twin’s illness I have talked about my thoughts and feelings on my blog, in the hope that I could walk better through the experience. In truth, I have mentally and emotionally struggled.
The prospect of spending the rest of my life without her and 'going it alone' is daunting and scary; it feels heavy and truthfully I don’t do heavy well.
My condolences, Ilana.
I want you to know that The CP Diary family is here to help you through this difficult time.
Please know that you're not alone.
Thanks Tim. How wonderful. That makes me feel a whole lot better.
Ilana, I had no idea that this happened. And so recently. I hope your spirituality and memories guide you through this heartbreaking event.
I'd love to hear more about your twin, if you ever feel up to doing that.
My twin is my other half in every way and I can't imagine the pain and loss you are feeling right now. Sending all my love.
Welcome to the site Jackii. Thank you and thank you so much for your response. I'm so pleased you have that with your twin.
I'm having good and bad days, more bad than good currently. My spiritual beliefs do keep me grounded and do help, but the winter months, the dark days and the pandemic all contribute to that heavy feeling.
I am hoping that once we get to the spring I will begin to feel better. The nights are the worst.
Ilana, we have connected on Twitter today and I’ve just started to browse your daily blog posts. I’m so sorry to hear that you have recently lost your twin sister.
I can’t begin to imagine what you must be dealing with.
Warm hugs. Xx
Sarah, thanks for connecting. It means a lot and your words have touched me.
When my twin first passed I was sick with Covid, now I'm sick again with a cough virus, I've never been well since she passed to be truthful. I didn't realise or understand how stressful our parting would be.
But through my struggles, I am taking comfort in the fact that she is well. I know in my heart she will want me to be well again... I'm trying.
I am sowing a seed for my wellness. xx
I am sorry to hear about your twin sister, I lost my daughter 16 days before on 24th November and am struggling to cope. I too am disabled, not in the same way; lots of medical issues and am finding this 'existence' unbearable.
I am pleased though that you can see some light...
Hi Rachel, welcome to the site. I understand you, when you refer to your existence. You took the words out of my mouth also.
Truthfully, my writing keeps my mind occupied. My many topics give me clarity and understanding and they are helping me come to terms a little more. You're right, the external influences have become 'unbearable.'
My 'twin' was the other half of me. I'm not sure how many people really understand that. A daughter or son also. They are a part of 'us'.
So sorry for your loss also.