I was a pleasing child, always looking for acceptance, potentially because I was navigating a childhood with a disability I didn’t know I had. When things are good and we’re comfortable with our choice, we seem to want and need less acceptance.
Feeling Safe and Protected
Being accepted can make us feel safe and protected, but it isn’t something we can always rely on. We must rely on ourselves and our own thinking for us to find and have acceptance. I believe how we are brought up is very much the catalyst for our acceptance. Where people recognise and understand their experiences they will be more accepting.
The Past is Part of the Present
Although the past is the reason people struggle with their own acceptance, they should be more open-minded about their experiences. The past is very much part of the present. When you come to understand why something happens in the way it did, you can find a way to bring about acceptance.
Acceptance is Acquired
Acceptance is also something we acquire if we fit into other people's mould of us, rather than it be something in abundance. But the opposite of acceptance is rejection and that can be bad for mental health, if you're not sure how to deal with it.
Conclusion
We need to also look at being accepted in its wider context. To avoid feeling isolated, excluded and lonely, we should also come to understand the universe and how our lives fit into that. Because acceptance is not inclusive, we must learn to like and accept ourselves, because without that, it'll be impossible to learn to accept others. Society needs to be inclusive, so that acceptance is par for the course and open to everyone.
I don't think being a pleasing child looking for acceptance or approval is unusual, but I can understand why in your case you did.
It must have been difficult you living with a disability you didn't know you had. We all look for acceptance at some point in our lives. Fear of rejection plays a part too.
Understanding is the first step to acceptance and unfortunately as a race we are short of mutual respect and understanding these days.
Perhaps if we accepted ourselves then we wouldn't feel the need to look for acceptance from others, but when we do we at least deserve understanding.
Thank you. Yes, I think your last paragraph sums up your response beautifully. If we accepted ourselves then we wouldn't feel the need to look for acceptance from others.
The irony is that the older we get and the more work we do on ourselves, the more confident we become, the less acceptance we need.
We must all be respectful to others no matter what we deal with or what's been in our past.