I have always been misunderstood. I have had others colour their assumptions of me because of a disability I didn’t know I had, through neurological difficulties and without any emotional support.
Being misunderstood is emotionally draining
But being misunderstood isn’t just emotionally draining, it can be like living with total strangers, uncomfortable, awkward in parts and totally frustrating when you know it’s not deserved. As others continue to colour their assumptions of us, those relationships will become even more emotionally separate.
When others point the finger
Being misunderstood can cause feelings of fear, isolation and anger. There will always be those that blame because it’s easier, they point fingers because they would rather do that than deal with their own feelings and take responsibility for how they feel. The reality of course, is that the more they apportion blame and ignore their feelings, the more their feelings will over spill on to others.
Not everyone grows together
When it comes to the human species, we don't emotionally or spiritually grow together. For those who don't, they may begin to feel threatened and for those who put the hard work in, they may become the scapegoat and may be misunderstood.
In relationships, when one half works towards the finishing line and the other half hasn’t even entered the race yet, the one working towards the finishing line will always continue to be misunderstood.
Boy, I know that feeling all too well. One prime example was that my siblings thought I was extremely spoiled, but I never asked for any special treatment from my mother and she forced her attentions on me, even when I begged her not to.
Only recently did I read a story similar to mine and the therapist labelled it as emotional incest, which decribed it pretty well to me.
What they didn't understand was that I had to pay a very high price for her treating me like a prince. She expected me to fulfill her emotional needs, since my dad wasn't. As far as I know, most mothers aren't like this.
She tortured and brainwashed me emotionally for so long that she finally broke me and very nearly crushed my soul.
I'm sure that's why I have had such serious 'mommy issues' as I have repeatedly ended up in very toxic and dysfunctional relationships, where the expectations of me were very similar.
Obviously people see this as being a momma's boy, without knowing the whole story; so most of the time I have been very misunderstood, even by myself.
I used to judge people very harshly for staying in these kinds of relationships, until I realized I was doing the same exact thing and had to figure out why?
It finally dawned on me that what it comes down to is that you live what you know. If you're used to being treated a certain way, even if it's horribly abusive, it's what becomes your norm, which people don't always get.
Hell, I don't even get it at times when it doesn't make any logical sense. I'm just trying to break the cycle at this point so I can move on, as well as help others in the same kind of situations.
Thank you. What you describe resonates with me Randy. You know what you know about you childhood, perhaps it doesn't matter about anyone else. It's only important what you know.
When it comes to siblings, they only look at their own circumstances and tend to judge how they think our lives went.
I am sure if you were to talk to your siblings together, you'd all come away with new understandings of your childhood together. They would learn more about why you were misunderstood.
I believe your parents will have become accountable the other side of life, even though they weren't ever accountable this side of life.
Whether we believe in spiritualism or not, we all become accountable for our behaviour this side of life, on the other side.
Being judged is unacceptable. Even more so in your case, when others judged you for reasons you were unaware of; but they were aware of and kept from you.
That is the stuff of fiction. People are not in a position to judge and judging someone doesn't define who they are, it defines who you are.
Yes, you couldn't make my story up, but it's a story I never thought would be told, truth be known.
Sadly, being judged doesn't end. Those behaviours continue until others choose to change their behaviour. That's why we have the stigma.
It also allows others to judge, where they may not have judged. Being judged is contagious. Where one does it, others follow suit.