Growing up with a disability meant there was always a side to me that aimed to please. But there were times when me being kind was an opportunity for others to take advantage.
It's easy to become resentful when we’re taken for granted but being assertive helps. It protects us from being controlled and being taken advantage of. It respects the rights and needs of others, because we learn to compromise and be respectful of each other and each other’s opinions where we need to be.
Being assertive means, we can identify the feelings that allow us to say what we want to happen, but we must still be wise so that we choose our battles carefully. By evaluating our feelings, we will know whether we’re being taken advantage of.
Those who take advantage will continue to take advantage, until we say something. It may seem out of character and a challenge for us to say something, but the alternative isn’t an option either. It’s about choosing our moments and words carefully so that others aren’t easily offended. Letting someone down gently is always the best policy and way forward.
If you think you’re being taken advantage of always say ‘no.’ Saying ‘no’ is part of the healing process.
I'm not too assertive and let others do what they want; like my daughter and her boyfriend living with us.
I usually get around to letting them know how I feel but a lot happens in that time and I'm so furious when I do tell them I'm afraid I'll say something completely out of line. I've never been assertive.
My first husband abused me verbally and I could never stand up to him until he threatened our daughter. Sometimes it takes something drastic to get me to assert myself.
Thank you for being so honest Lisa. I think being assertive is not as easy as it sounds. If you're not used to saying what needs to be said, it's very easy for others to take advantage.
I agree with your sentiments that when we've got to boiling point, usually through anger or frustration we speak out. You did it back then with your first husband. Maybe now that you've done it once, you can learn to do it again.
You will feel so much better. Sometimes we just have to do it whatever the cost. The cost is usually too great if we don't.
Very good post today. My mother was not an assertive type. She always wanted to please and not rock the boat. She could be taken advantage of to a point. Marlene is very much the same. It is scary how alike they are.
I tend to be a person who drums to his own drummer most times. The one person I have trouble saying no to is my father. Mostly I want to keep the peace and not start a fight. In that way I am like my mother.
Thanks Randy, I understand completely. In my experience those who take advantage, will continue to do so unless we speak out.
Of course, it's okay to want to keep the peace, but I feel a compromise would always be the answer.
Compromise is not in my Father's list of words. I doubt if he knows what it means!
I totally get what you're saying Randy; but don't you think there's an element that he chooses not to know what it means? I should think it's easier for him that way.
Yes, you understand him so well.
Thanks Randy.