When it comes to relationship dynamics, breaking the cycle is difficult, particularly where trauma is involved. It's why we may struggle to get past or deal with our relationships.

All relationships are intertwined and complex, but it should be up to us to choose how much we engage and if we should engage at all.

If one of the parties decides to break ties, it gives that person time to reassess and decide what they want for themselves. Breaking the cycle in a partnership, gives both parties time to assess, with an opportunity to try a different way to communicate if that’s what both parties still want.

Sometimes it may be as simple as learning to communicate differently. But being able to assess and manage our emotions goes a long way to handling the dynamics cycle. If the relationship has run its course, it's okay to acknowledge and say it has. It is particularly around trauma and abuse.

Communication takes understanding, but the greatest understanding should come from us first. When you understand yourself and you love or like yourself, you will know exactly what your belief system is and will know exactly what you want.

The first step of breaking any dysfunctional cycle is to consciously be aware of the dysfunctional patterns that are causing you to think about your relationship and to make the decision to want to break ties. It is usually centred around family.

When anyone fails to live presently, they can fail to understand, or notice the behaviour that is going on around them.

When they become aware, they should learn to say no, don't over explain their choices and instead, decline to get involved in their explanations. Their decision is for them to make, as opposed to what the other person wants.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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