As parents, it’s natural to worry about the company our children keep. The people we surround ourselves with shape our thoughts, attitudes, and decisions, often in ways we don’t immediately recognise. However, those around us may notice the impact long before we do. When we find ourselves in an environment that no longer aligns with who we want to be, change becomes necessary. But change isn’t always easy – it requires acknowledgment, time, effort, and a conscious choice about where we invest our energy.
Understanding We Need to Change
Recognising the need for change is the first step, but not everyone around us will see it – or even want to. Some may resist change because it forces them to reflect on their own lives. Others may not understand their journey, making it harder to take those initial steps. Seeking help, whether through guidance, support, or self-reflection, is a crucial step forward. However, putting that help into practice is often the greatest challenge. The process of change can feel uncomfortable, even isolating at times, but persistence is key. If we keep going, we will start to see progress, and with time, our lives can shift in meaningful and positive ways.
Reconnecting with Ourselves
Over time, we may drift from our core values without realising. The influences we allow into our lives shape our beliefs and behaviors, and sometimes, we wake up to find we are not the person we once were. While we may not immediately recognise this shift within ourselves, others often do. They see when we have lost direction, when we no longer reflect the values we once held dear. But losing our way does not mean we are lost forever – it simply means we need to pause, reflect, and find our way back.
Conclusion
True change begins with self-awareness. When we acknowledge the impact of our choices and surroundings, we can take control of our lives again. Growth may require difficult decisions – stepping away from relationships that no longer serve us, embracing new perspectives, and committing to personal improvement. Though the journey may feel challenging, the reward is clarity, purpose, and a renewed sense of self. No matter how far we have strayed, it is always possible to find our way back.
Once again I'm having to rewrite my comment after touching the wrong button, which tells me I need to make the change from this annoying tablet to a computer, so this doesn't keep happening!
One thing I have learned over the years, is that people won't change unless they really want to, even when they absolutely need to. I have watched countless people, myself included, make the same mistakes over and over again and still keep expecting things to turn out differently.
Einstein said that it was the definition of insanity, and I have come to believe it's true. It has taken me far too long to figure it out.
Painful is putting it mildly when it comes to making changes, which is why so many people avoid having to do it, even when it's in their own best interests.
I lost myself a long time ago by trying to avoid my pain, in order to appease my daughter's mother which ended badly for me. It is the one thing that I wish I could change, but that isn't possible now.
Since last year, my daughter refuses to speak to me, thanks to her getting the wrong impression of me just wanting to help her. I didn't make the changes that I needed to make in time to avoid this. It's something that is breaking my heart, but I have to live with it.
She hasn't had much life experience so she can't even begin to comprehend what I went through to save her from her mother who was trying to brainwash her into being a surrogate wife for her husband.
My point being that I forced her to make changes in her life that she didn't know how to change, and she has hated me for it ever since.
She got the impression from others that I wanted to control her life and her money, which was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to help her.
People now keep telling me that I need to reach out to her, but the one big change I have made in my life, is that I now refuse to be treated badly by anyone, even my own daughter.
I was forced to accept that kind of treatment as a child by my parents, but I will no longer tolerate it. The reality is that I'm the only one who can really change my behaviors and I'm done holding my breath waiting for other people to change, especially when they don't want to, even when they need to.
Thanks Randy. It is difficult when you know in your heart all you've ever tried to do for your daughter is help, but where you're on your daughter's side you have someone else pulling at the heart strings the other end, against the good you're trying to do.
You've done the right thing walking away whilst that's still happening. No good will come from this until something happens and your daughter, begins to question what is happening away from you.
That said, I do think your daughter is capable of change. But whilst she's in the thick of it, you're not going to see much change.
Sometimes it's just a case of someone waking up by themselves, when they begin to question the motives of those around them. Other times something big happens, something completely out of their control, and then they dig deep.
For now, I would get on with your life and continue to work on yourself, so that if and when your daughter 'gets her life' you are prepared to offer her that 'olive branch.'
I find it sad and irritating when certain family do this to other family members. In a life, that is already short and difficult, this behaviour is petty.
Children should never be used and have to come between their parents. I hope this sorts itself out soon Randy. Good luck.
I believe we can change if we see the need too change.
As Randy says we won't change unless we really want to and there is something very sad about seeing the need for change on someone who either knows that need to change, but refuses to, or just fails to acknowledge there is a need in the first place.
I knew I had heard a great quote about change on TV recently and having just Googled it, it was a quote from Doctor Who:
"We’re all capable of the most incredible change. We can evolve while still staying true to who we are. We can honour who we’ve been and choose who we want to be next."
I know Dr Who has the good fortune of being a time traveller and comes back in different guises, but nonetheless that quote sums it up nicely.
Thanks. Yes, it's a great quote. I agree, we are all capable of the most incredible change, but we have to want to choose who we want to be next.
It really is amazing where change takes you. Perhaps that's what we must hone in on. Through the other side of change there are truly great opportunities.