Depression is something you know when you’ve got it. It isn’t just sadness, it’s a weight, a heaviness that lingers every day. For me, this weight became heavier after the loss of my twin, layered with trauma that has followed me since childhood.

Now, with so many new changes in my life, I find myself struggling to cope with the emotions, the legacy of karma, the memories, and the silence.

How Depression Feels Day-to-Day

Depression can often feel indescribable, but for me it shows up as:

• An overwhelming heaviness;
• A sense of waiting for relief that never quite arrives;
• A mix of exhaustion, hopelessness, and numbness.

When grief and trauma are added to depression, it feels overwhelming and claustrophobic. The loss of my twin isn’t just something I think about – it’s something I carry. Childhood trauma deepens my struggle, reminding me that I still live with unresolved fears – fears that were never addressed, and wounds that never had the chance to heal.

Coping With Grief and Trauma

Coping with grief and trauma alongside depression isn't easy. Some days I feel like I'm surviving; other days it's all too much, and it's overwhelming.

Surviving the day with depression is an achievement.

Mental Health Reflections

The CP Diary is a way to help me keep track of how I’m feeling. It gives shape to my emotions and my truths that otherwise would sit silently.

Writing has become a way for me to cope and to heal – with twin loss, grief, and the layers of legacy of karma, childhood trauma, and mental and emotional struggles that I later learned were shaped by anxiety and autism.