My twin struggled with depression but differently to me, I later learned. She struggled to read my words, this side of life. Through the spirit realm, she now understands why I write, and why it's important I talk about things. She knows my writing is my journey. She knows about my struggles with mental health and she supports me now.
My words begin as a way to care for myself, but if they offer comfort or recognition to someone else, then they’ve found their larger purpose.
I write to lighten the weight I carry, to care for my mind and to give myself space to breathe. Writing helps me to untangle my thoughts. It helps me to find peace, and better understand the shape of my life.
Depression comes from trauma and anxiety and growing up I didn't know I had either. They are something I continue to live with, something I continue to struggle with – it's not something I can simply shake off, but something attached to me in ways I am still learning about, made worse through the loss of my twin.
Some days it feels like carrying an invisible weight no one else sees, but I feel it in everything I do. Even the smallest tasks like getting out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other, can feel overwhelming. Depression just comes over you.
What’s hardest to explain is that it’s not just “feeling sad.” It’s more like the colour drains out of me. Conversations feel heavier and my motivation is lessened.
Talking about it matters. Saying the words out loud, loosens my depression's grip just a little. It reminds me that I don’t have to carry it in silence, that what I’m going through isn’t weakness. I lost my twin – how I thought my life was going to go without her, isn't how my life's gone.
Depression is something many people struggle with even if it looks different for each of us.
I don’t know what recovery looks like, or how long it will take for it to dissipate. But I’ve come to see that surviving each day, even in small ways, is a kind of strength. And while depression may shape my story, it doesn’t get to be the whole story.
I’m still here, still functioning, still reaching for the light in whatever form it comes.
For immediate support, you can call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) or search for local mental health hotlines in your area or if you're in the UK: Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9am–6pm) for advice and support about mental health.
