Have you ever wondered why some people seem to go on the defensive and make their issues about you? Defensive behaviour is usually a pattern repeated, by people who have a problem with themselves.

For those who use defensive behaviour as a coping mechanism to make them feel better about themselves, it can put them in a very awkward place and in some cases isolate them and make them look and feel less credible.

Through personal growth people are more likely to be tolerant of themselves and therefore tolerant of others and less likely to go on the defensive. They're more likely to have time to listen and accept what other people say, and less likely to ‘fly off the handle’ at every little thing.

Perhaps they need to understand that when someone says something to them, it’s often because they’re trying to help even if they don’t want the help, or don’t see it as help. They should take what's said in the manner it’s given, unless the other person’s tone is wrong, then they may need to deal with their tone.

Being defensive is a bad habit that can be easily changed. We become defensive when we see someone else as the problem and not us. But taking responsibility for what we say and how we say it, is the first step to changing defensive behaviour.