I was reading an article written by Michelle Obama recently where she talked about her parents and how they allowed her to question things so that she would be encouraged to value her own voice and opinions. Compared with and rewind back to my own childhood and it was a case of being seen and not heard.
Michelle Obama's Childhood
Through Michelle Obama's childhood, she has proved with the right input children can very much succeed. Children need support, help and guidance. Children should be encouraged to have opinions, as long as their opinions are conciliatory.
Seeing a Flame in our Children
Speaking at London’s Royal Festival Hall, former US First Lady Michelle Obama told the audience, ‘my parents saw this flame in me.’ While some parents might have tried to dim or extinguish such a flame, her parents had the wisdom to nurture it. They recognised that one day, she would need that inner fire – to rise, to lead, and to inspire.
It is Important to Encourage Children
It is essential that children are encouraged to find value in their own lives. When they feel worthy, they have a stronger foundation to become balanced individuals. With the right emotional support, there should be no space for judgments or ridicule. No matter our childhood experiences, once we begin to recognise our own self-worth, the need for validation or the sting of misunderstanding begins to lose its hold.
Conclusion
I always knew I wasn’t a bad person – just someone whose intentions were misread. My writing and website have become a testament to my self-worth. Self-worth is something we should be able to carry with us, not something we are forced to prove.
It would have been fantastic if my parents would have allowed and encouraged me to speak my mind and question things, but the only time they really even noticed me was when they wanted something from me.
My mother expected me to be her emotional teddy bear and my dad was always grilling me for information about what my mother was up to, when I didn't have a clue.
It's no wonder I shut down when people confront me, or start trying to pump me for information, seeing as that's the only option I had when I was a kid.
Neither one of us should have to fight to prove our self-worth to ourselves and others, but that's the terrible legacy that both of us have had to deal with. You have been such a great inspiration to me and many others, so keep up the great work.
That's kind, thanks Randy. I'm hearing you and feel for you too. Yes, I've seen what you've seen, where parents play one child against the other.
I'm not sure whether it was the era you and I we were born into. But even though it happened and it clearly wasn't right, I know that I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing without those experiences.
I have grown stronger through the experiences. I believe that with the right people in your life, you would probably open up more.
Given what you've previously said about your circumstances, perhaps that's something you might think about.
I agree no one should feel the need to prove their self-worth. This is especially true in your case as you continually asked questions, but were rebuked.
If things are affecting self-worth for a long time, this can all too easily lead to a mental and/or emotional health problem, such as depression or anxiety.
Having a mental health problem can cause low self-esteem, which in turn can make it more difficult to cope, or to help increase self worth. And so the cycle continues.
Your blogs show that cycles can be broken.
Yes, the more I think about the more I try and dissociate with my understanding of how I got to this place.
I will never agree or own this as mine, but it's important I acknowledge it happened. On my more lucid days I am happy to do that.
I have shown throughout my blog in 8 years how it is possible to break mental cycles. The more we consciously tap into our lives and understand our experiences, the more those cycles can be broken.
As soon as I became aware of my understanding behind my experience, I was able to break the cycle. I don't believe any of us have to continue to live with neglect or abuse.
I have proved through my blogs that we can change, but we have to commit to change and find ways to work through change.