I am on my own, because I had no emotional support. When I look back at my life and the trauma I’ve had to deal with, it almost seems inevitable.

I come so far then it hits me that this is where I am and although I know I couldn’t do anything to change what happened, I get angry at what feels like an injustice. When that happens, I take consolation in how far I’ve come.

The CP Diary wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the life I’ve had. It has given me a focus and an opportunity to see and think differently. Yes, since I cannot change reality, I can change my eyes which see reality.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

Most people who read this blog

went on to read these blogs next
Date 26 July 2026
Author Ilana Estelle

Living with Difference

Seen, Misjudged, Rarely Understood For most of my life, I lived in the dark. Not because I didn't know I was different, but because I didn't yet have the understanding to explain why life always felt harder than it seemed to be ...
Read more
Date 24 July 2026
Author Ilana Estelle

The Hidden Effects of Loss

Some consequences aren't immediate, they're cumulative It's five months into four years through twin loss, and I've split another tooth. On its own, it's an ordinary event. But it's an event that made me stop and look back ...
Read more
Date 19 July 2026
Author Ilana Estelle

What Writing Taught Me About Self-Understanding

How writing became more than a creative outlet When I started writing, I had no idea where it would lead. I simply needed somewhere to put my thoughts – a place to make sense of experiences I struggled to understand ...
Read more
1 2 3 … 681

8 comments on “Feeling on my own”

  1. You've come so far from the past and even though it has affected you this way, you're not alone. You have done beautifully despite what you have been through.

    The CP diary has helped all of us, but writing for the Diary I think has helped you the most. The fact that you're helping others has also helped you.

    Giving of ourselves is something we should all do and you're setting a great example.

    Reply

  2. It's always good to be thankful for where we are today. You have a loving family and with the site it gives so much to you and to us.

    Reply

    1. Yes they are. I am hoping in time this all gets easier. Having made a start through writing about my experiences, for the first time I feel it will.

      Reply

  4. I completely understand that feeling of being on your own emotionally. I felt that way this morning before visiting this site.

    You can take comfort in the fact that you have broadened your horizons despite your negative experiences in life. Some people wallow in anger and self pity forever.

    So now you are making a positive difference in the lives of people you don't even know. What an awesome statement that is. You must receive gratification and consolation from that personal achievement alone.

    What else can you ask of yourself?

    Reply

    1. Thanks Tim. What wonderful sentiments. Now when you put it like that you're right. I can ask no more of myself.

      I would like to find a place that doesn't hurt me, but allows me to accept and move on from the trauma. Through my writing that is what I want to do.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to receive regular updates

Enter your details below to be the first to receive updates on new articles on my blog. 
© The CP Diary • In Dedication of Jesse Bauer | Privacy Policy
Website Design by Fallen Leaf